Oh By Gosh, By Golly, It’s Time for Janice D. and Holly (to Talk <i>I’m a Celebrity</i>)

Last Thursday, we saw the elimination of two different cast members from I'm a Celebrity... Get Me Out of Here!: original supermodel Janice Dickinson and Hills star Holly Montag. Of course, the celebrities later voted to bring Holly back for one more day -- just long enough to get her into her underwear, of course -- but she was quickly sent packing again. Before Holly's one-day return, we got to sit in on a conference call with Holly and Janice, so while we weren't able to ask them about the one getting chosen over the other, we were able to ask Holly about Sanjolly, Heidi and Playboy and Janice about the granola bar incident, Jon Lovitz, her vagina and Jon Lovitz. You can't wait, can you?

Today's TWoP News: Thursday, December 15, 2011

by Ashley Chervinski December 15, 2011 2:27 pm
Today's TWoP News: Thursday, December 15, 2011

Baba Booey to everyone, today.

Today's TWoP News: Tuesday, October 18, 2011

by Ashley Chervinski October 18, 2011 1:18 pm
Today's TWoP News: Tuesday, October 18, 2011

A zombie invasion is hitting the small screen.

The Emperor's New Next Top Model

by Sars December 13, 2007 11:28 am
The Emperor's New Next Top Model

tyrabitch.jpgI think we all can agree, having watched America's Next Top Model for 49 cycles now, that what makes a top model in the Tyraverse is not any of the model-esque qualities you might assume are prerequisites -- superior height, facial symmetry, a runway walk not copied from Peter Boyle's performance in Young Frankenstein -- but rather the "desire," the "really wanting this"-ness.  By which of course I mean the undignified, and un-optional, coating of Tyra's giant ass in damp kisses, the better to evolve Tyra's delusion of herself as a benign (and gigantic) Henrietta Higgins who Does Good For People.  A girl's real-world modeling potential is irrelevant here -- fortunately, since few of the contestants have any such thing, which, naturally, is why they get onto the show in the first place.  Nobody with a snowball's chance in hell of getting work in the industry on her own is as pathetically grateful for the faux-pportunities offered by ANTM (for real, the Seventeen readership's age tops out at around 13), and it's that pathetic gratitude that Tyra requires.

Tyra has gotten more and more obnoxiously imperious in the last year or two, but her fucktardedly outsized sense of her own importance isn't a problem per se -- at least, not compared with the problem it must pose for her employees.  What is a problem, from a television standpoint, is that that grandiose insistence on choosing the girl who thanks/beseeches/admires Tyra the most fervently, instead of the girl who's the best qualified (or, you know, qualified at all), voids the competition of any significance.  Tyra doesn't think we notice it, I suspect; Tyra doesn't see, or is not hearing anyone who tries to tell her, that the motives behind her choices are increasingly obvious.

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