Show Status Notes

Californication

Permanent Hiatus

We like David Duchovny, but not enough to keep covering a show in which he plays a drunken, hipper-than-thou lech who’s supposedly a brilliant writer, but spends more time sleeping with every woman in L.A., including a sixteen-year-old. And that was just in the first episode. He fought, he drank, he showed his butt, he made clever sexual puns, but it only took six episodes to figure out that this thing wasn’t going anywhere. Farewell, Pussyman, farewell.

Caprica

Permanent Hiatus

A dark, ambitious and sometimes subversive mixture of cyberpunk, steampunk and Zoepunk that unfortunately failed to connect with either the majority of BSG fans or the general public. Their loss, and ours.

Capture

Permanent Hiatus

By far the best Hunger Games-inspired reality show that aired on The CW during the summer of 2013.

Carnivale

Permanent Hiatus

SEE freaks, geeks, and a story so oblique that it makes David Lynch’s work seem straightforward! THRILL to the acting of Michael J. Anderson and Clancy Brown! You’ll be ASTONISHED at how dull a show about carnies battling apocalyptic forces can be! Gaze in AWE at the lush production! MARVEL at the interminable pacing and deliberately obscure storytelling! WONDER at all the time characters spend staring at each other! BRACE YOURSELF for a cliffhanger ending that won’t ever be paid off, because HBO cancelled the show.

Carrie Diaries

Active

Cashmere Mafia

Permanent Hiatus

One SATC is plenty, thank you.

Century City

Permanent Hiatus

The future is clearly as steeped in mediocrity as this show was. What else can you do with a show that has lawyers doing on or all of the following: grandstanding in front of holographic judges, sexually harassing their co-workers purely for “comic” value, prancing around being genetically perfect yet boring, and being the supporting faces to all of the above but not really ever doing much else? Right, cancel it. So we did. Right before the network canned it. Not even the gadgetry and green power drinks could keep the country’s attention. All we can hope is that Ioan Gruffudd gets another job — one that allows him to use his real accent.

Chains of Love

Permanent Hiatus

There was once a little man at the UPN who looked at the big networks getting good ratings with Survivor, Temptation Island, and other reality shows and said, “We can do that!” Well, they couldn’t. Six terrible episodes later, all this little man had was six hours of bad television in which four single people were chained to a single of the opposite sex for three days, an ulcer, and his resume on monster.com.

Charmed

Permanent Hiatus

Once upon a time, there were three little girls who lived in the Halliwell Manor, and they were each assigned very hazardous duties — but I took them away from all that, and now they work for me. My name is CANCELLED!.

Chuck

Permanent Hiatus

We loved watching the adventures of Charles Irving Bartowski back when he was still a lovable loser with an unrequited crush on his CIA handler. But once the show chose shipper-pandering over compelling storylines — and started passing the Intersect around like a baby at Olive Garden — we began counting down to the series finale. If only it had ended after Season 3.

City of Angels

Permanent Hiatus

Proof that everything Stephen Bochco touches doesn’t, in fact, turn to gold. For every L.A. Law, there’s a Cop Rock. And for every NYPD Blue, there’s a City of Angels. Sure, CBS renewed it. But TWoP didn’t.

Commander In Chief

Permanent Hiatus

It was the ultimate family drama about a mother juggling work and family: work just happened to be running the free world. The show had every element they could possibly need to please the masses: Donald Sutherland as an angry co-worker trying to take over President Mackenzie Allen’s job; three children ranging from bitchy to perfect to cuter than a box of bunnies; a husband having trouble getting used to being the First Lady…er, First Gentleman of the United States. Though it had a roaring start at ABC, it whimpered at TWoP. Geena Davis will continue to be the first Independent Female President, but we’ll continue to pledge allegiance to House instead.

CSI

Permanent Hiatus

Honestly, we thought this show would be bagged and tagged in the first season. And then we figured we were in a grudge match with William Petersen to see who would leave first. Answer: us. So long and thanks for all the gore, CSI! You’ll be following the evidence without us.

CSI: Miami

Permanent Hiatus

Although Horatio Caine may be God’s red-headed stepchild and the Greater Miami-Dade area’s personal crusader for justice, He’s also a supercilious blowhard who made damn near every scene on every show irritating. After one season, we’d had enough, hadn’t we?

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