Young Americans

Episode Report Card
Pamie: D | Grade It Now!
How lovely to be a woman

Are we all through gagging at the title of the episode? No, I'm not either. I'll give you a few more minutes. Cinderbella. Ugh.

Baltimore Sun called Young Americans "Another Dawson's Creek in the making." You guys keep trying, Baltimore Sun. I'm sure you love your town and all, but if you knew what was best for your chamber of commerce, you'd declare this show dead to you.

Previously: Bella meets Paige. Scout tells Bella that he likes Paige and wants to date her, so he and Bella can still be friends. Bella cries. Lena from Los Angeles tells Terri that she thinks she's hot. They kiss, and Terri tells her that she's in love with someone else. Will gets all preachy about Finn kissing Mamaverve. Finn squints and calls Will "a big person." They hug the hug of NAMBLA.

Close up on the banner for the "Rawley Academy Summer Cotillion." It's on Friday at eight, just in case you guys want to get gussied up. Pan down to lacrosse and soccer players. Will's walking, so we have to hear his voice-over: "Rawley Academy. I still can't believe I'm here." Wait, isn't this how he's started the last three episodes? Let me check...

Episode One: "New Rawley. For me, it's home." Blah, blah, blah. "For those who attend, the future can be, well, [laughs] anything. And now, maybe for me, too."

Episode Two: He babbles about not getting his school life and his Townie life in order. I'll spare you the quote.

Episode Three: "Maybe it's because I'm young. Maybe because it's summer. Maybe it's because I'm here at Rawley. But there are some days when you feel so lucky just to be...where you are...when you are...and who you are. And you can't help wondering if everyone else feels as lucky as you do." Oh, yeah. There it is. Just last week. Okay. You've finished your first month here at Rawley, Will. It's almost over. Get over yourself. You totally cheated to get in that damn place anyway, and there's not one test score or grade to show for it. ["Plus you ripped that line off of the 'Self-Esteem' episode of My So-Called Life." -- Sars]

Okay, back to Will. "This setting. These people. This world where dreams really do come true. A place where a guy from the wrong side of the tracks lives the life of a prince. What else could I hope for?" And cue the poor man's Liv Tyler. She walks by in slow motion and Will stares. She looks distant and he smiles. She is in wind. He isn't. "What else could I hope for?" Will blinks, blinks. "A princess, naturally." I vomit again, and worry about my stomach.

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Young Americans




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