Wound-Up Penguin

Episode Report Card
Pamie: F | 3 USERS: A+
All The Fun Of An Exorcism

Jaye's trying to sleep, but her objects -- the ones she can't stand but keeps with her everywhere -- are singing "99 Bottles of Beer On the Wall." And then lights flash outside the window and someone's going crazy on a Casio so it's really more like aliens are landing than like objects are singing Jaye awake. Jaye tells her objects (lion, monkey, chameleon) that this is exactly what cults do -- deprive their subjects of sleep until they do what you tell them to do out of exhaustion. She asks if they're working up to her drinking Kool-Aid. Then she realizes that if they "off" her, she won't be around to do their bidding. She asks if there's some kind of leader she can speak with. The monotonous droning of objects singing continues. Jaye says she's assuming there's a plan and a reason for all of this. "Anyone?" They're down to eighty-three bottles of beer on the wall. Jaye tells them just to keep on singing, then, if they're not going to answer her. Then she stops and Homers, "Ooh. Beer."

The Barrel. Last call. Eric turns off the lights as the patrons leave. Jaye walks up and says, "Oh, thank God." And it looks like she's inside while being outside, since behind her is a wall and a lamp, but Eric's supposedly shutting the bar door, saying, "You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here." Eric asks if that's what "bartenders" say, since he's not really one at all. Then he says he's working on his timing. I guess that's a joke? Jaye asks Eric not to say it to her, because she'll have no other choice but to wander the streets until morning. Eric says they're closed. Jaye bats an eye, and Eric says he'll see what he can do. Jaye skips into the bar and promises to imbibe quickly if he needs to go home. Eric opens a beer and smiles. "Funny thing about that," he says.

So Eric lives on a cot in the back of the bar. Man, that's one trusting manager, to give this drunk at his bar the run of the place while's gone after three days of watching Eric drink himself silly. Eric says that this is technically only where he sleeps, and that he's not sure where he lives: "Although I'm pretty sure I don't live in New Jersey anymore." Jaye asks why he's still not living in some Honeymoon Suite somewhere. Eric says that once they figured out he wasn't going to sue, they stopped comping his room. Jaye says he should sue the hotel, since one of its staff ruined his marriage, and "arguably" his life. Eric says that if Heidi, his ex-wife, had stuck with a more traditional definition of the words "room service," they'd both be back in New Jersey now, starting their married life together. Eric sits next to Jaye and says, "One bad day and everything changes." Jaye turns it back to a conversation about her: "One bad 'sode and not only does everything start changing, but everything starts talking to you." That's a mouthful of a line. And I guess now she's just admitting to Eric that objects talk to her instead of saying she was only kidding? The fun in Joan is that she's still trying to keep it a secret. So Eric says he doesn't get Jaye's joke, and she says she's not sure she gets it either. Kick that crazy girl out of your bed, Eric. She's prone to violent 'sodes. Jaye tells Eric that she likes his new place: "It has a certain hobo charm." Move over, Thom, there's something meaner. Eric says that it also has rats. He says an old expression about mice and...quiet ads? What? I think he just said, "That old expression about mice and 'quiet as' doesn't apply to rats." Why backwards do we keep talking? Was this script put through a German translator and then back to English? For when is making sense to speak way this? Jaye tells Eric to be grateful that the rats aren't keeping him up at night with incessant chatter. Then there's a sound, but so we know it's not a rat there's some scary Tales From the Darkside violins here. Eric stands to go investigate.

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