Veronica Mars
Nevermind The Buttocks

Episode Report Card
Couch Baron: B+ | 3 USERS: B
YOU GRADE IT
When A Moon Hits Your Eye Like A Big Pizza Pie...

At this moment, Veronica gets an IM from someone (we never do find out who, for the record) saying that he knows where the green Barracuda is, and that if she PayPals him the reward, he'll send the address. Keith proudly tells her to admit it: "The old man's got some PI chops." Without looking up from the computer (as she asks the guy for his email address), Veronica nods, all, "Yes, Timmy, that drawing made from your own snot is lovely. Now go play with your imaginary friend." This is one weird father-daughter relationship. Keith deflates, as approval is denied, and then Veronica rushes out the door. Well, I thought you did great, Keith. Have a cookie.

Veronica pulls up to a somewhat seedy-looking apartment complex. Cut to Veronica anxiously knocking on the door, as VMVO notes that bringing a bat or a large stick might have been well-advised. Or some sort of protective attack dog -- too bad you don't have one. An oldish woman with dark glasses answers, and Veronica hesitantly asks about the car, prompting the woman to show us her milky eyes and claim that she hasn't seen anything since her cataracts came back. The woman, with a hint of an Irish accent, goes on to say that the car is hers, but that it belonged to her dear departed husband, and it's staying in her garage until she croaks. She excuses herself, as she's missing "Vanna and Pat." VMVO wonders what enjoyment the blind get out of Wheel Of Fortune. I'll leave aside the somewhat unenlightened viewpoint to opine that the blind are going to take a bigger and bigger share of Wheel's audience, if the way "Pat" is aging is any indication.

Veronica enters the garage and finds the car. She quickly uses a spray to discover that there once was a sticker of what looks like a leprechaun on the window. She gets into the car and plants a tracker, and then opens the glove compartment to discover a silver pistol inside. She stares at it, all, "what does a blind person need with a gun?" as we head into another commercial break.

Mars Investigations. Keith calls Kendall's dad, pretending to be someone from her high school, and quickly learns that he only knows she's in Neptune because she sent her mother a get-well card a few months back with no return address: "You find her, you mind tellin' her her ma passed on?" Keith doesn't respond, probably wishing he'd farmed this one out to his daughter...

...who's out in the front room studying when Weevil enters. Veronica: "You here to confess? Is that your tail I see between your legs?" Weevil: "No. But I could see how you might get confused." Wow. That must make riding a motorcycle kind of hard. Weevil demands that Veronica let him into Clemmons's office. Weevil tells her about Thumper's paddle, of the existence of which Veronica is already aware, but she smoothly plays dumb. If the next online hold 'em tournament I enter shows a "VMars" on my screen, I'm switching to another table. Weevil explains that he saw the paddle when he dumped the carnival cash; he tells her that Thumper was dealing for the Fitzpatricks, speculating that the license numbers on the paddle represent Fitzpatrick clients to whom Thumper was delivering, and that Thumper made it as an insurance policy. Veronica: "How's that working out for him?" Well, I doubt anyone's gotten eight figures off it. Weevil tells Veronica about Hector's revelations, and says that the paddle could be serious leverage. Satisfied on that front, Veronica asks why Weevil was following the school bus on the day of the crash. Weevil says that it was because of Cervando, who was book smart and street dumb. You might wonder what the attraction was, then, of the PCHers for Cervando, and vice versa. And if you do, you wouldn't be alone. Anyway, as we already knew, Cervando shot his mouth off about hustling Liam Fitzpatrick, but what we didn't know is that the word was out that Liam was looking for him. This, of course, conflicts with what Weevil told Veronica about not believing the Fitzpatricks would kill a busload of kids over three grand, but who can keep track of things that happened so many episodes ago? On an unrelated note, aren't you glad hyperlinks are free? Anyway, Veronica buys Weevil's story by way of a comment about his "Maybelline lashes" (heh), and then Keith heads out by them with an "Eli," "Sheriff" exchange. Aw. Weevil rises and asks for the key, which Veronica supplies (off a ring with more keys than your average custodial worker sees in a lifetime, heh), but tells him that it's worthless. She doesn't let Weevil get too het up, though, before she produces the copy of the paddle numbers she made. Weevil opines that she's unbelievable, and, pleased with herself, Veronica suggests that they find out who some of the clients are. I'd think it should be a bigger deal that she no longer thinks one of her friends is a mass murderer, but if she celebrated every time that happened, it would probably put a strain on the local bakery's resources.

Java The Hut. Veronica observes Jackie capably handling her tables, as VMVO notes that it's "nice to see all those Manhattan ballet lessons finally pay off in the service industry." I don't usually have occasion to say this when you talk, Veronica, but: huh? Cut to Veronica finding Jackie and telling her that "Table 8" requested to sit in her section. Jackie heads over to said table to find Wallace, who apologizes for his earlier behavior, and tells her that if she really doesn't have feelings for him, he'll respect that. Jackie replies that she likes him, maybe too much, but that she's been accepted to the Sorbonne (you'll remember she's big into French). Not sure how she's going to pay for it just by earning $6.75 an hour over the next five weeks, but I haven't checked the exchange rates lately. Wallace thinks that's great: he really enjoys a good Sorbonne between courses. Jackie has to clarify that it's the Sorbonne in Paris, and she's leaving in five weeks, so the timing doesn't seem ideal: "There's no happy ending out there for us." Well, don't feel too bad, Jackie. I mean, if Mac and Beaver couldn't hold it together, what chance did you two have?

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Veronica Mars

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