Veronica Mars
My Mother, The Fiend

Episode Report Card
Couch Baron: B | 5 USERS: A
Meeeeooooow! (Ffffft!)
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

MS., and don't you forget it, Hauser is informing her class, in which sit Duncan and Veronica, that they're moving on to Phase II of Sex Ed. She takes a large baby doll out of a box and intones, "Welcome to parenthood." If this is Phase II, I can only hope the PTA doesn't find out what happened in this classroom during Phase I. Veronica notes, "So that's where babies come from," and Duncan laughs, because having a sense of humor about babies makes complete sense for his character at the moment. Ms. Hauser tells the class that, for the next five days, they will each be taking care of their very own "Baby Think-It-Over." Heh. Ms. Hauser then exaggeratedly grabs the doll by the leg and dangles it upside-down, and it starts to cry. She informs the class that the "babies" (there are several other dolls visible in the background) have very sophisticated sensors and memory chips, so if the students screw up in taking care of them, there will be a record of it, and they won't pass the class. With those sensors, High School Mommy and Daddy had better think twice before a-rockin' the car at Inspiration Rock Quarry. Ms. Hauser instructs the class to pair up and pick one "baby" for each couple, but then hands Veronica a note summoning her out of class, so Veronica tells Duncan to pick a good one while she goes to see The Man...

...and then Veronica's rudely opening the door to VP Clemmons's office without knocking. Learn some manners, girl. She tries cracking a couple of jokes, but Clemmons icily asks her to hand over her keys. Veronica tosses one set onto the table, but Clemmons merely smiles and asks her for all her keys. Veronica, looking slightly busted, produces a second set, and from the look on her face, it's got to include the master key Wallace gave her in the season premiere. Clemmons picks it up, goes over to his office door, and fits one of the keys into the lock and successfully turns it. Veronica says that she can explain, but Clemmons says she doesn't have to. Well, maybe not, Van the Man, but that's no excuse for depriving us of the pleasure of hearing what was bound to be a doozy of a story. Anyway, Clemmons says that the district has put in a security system to keep track of after-hours visitors, but Veronica notes that she doesn't see any cameras, so Clemmons can't prove that she broke in. Clemmons wonders, then, how Veronica could have gotten her hands on the drug-test results. I'd point out, in light of what happens later, that Veronica actually used Clemmons's own key to get the results, which I noted was kind of overly convenient at the time. Probably a coincidence, but if that was the start of his plan, that's pretty awesome -- the only question is why he took so long to bust Veronica. Then again, being called a "powerless factotum" is just the sort of thing that can cause people to get their asses in gear. Veronica wonders if Clemmons means the faked test results, and starts to snot, "Usually, when I save your butt..." Veronica still looks tiny to me, so it's kind of a surprise how much she's outgrown her britches. Clemmons asks her about a couple of her other keys, the second of which "fits any Vespa scooter." She claims that she likes to come prepared, but with a limited number of keys that can fit on the ring, I would have thought she'd go for a key that fit something cooler, like, say, any Harley. Perhaps she figured that if she were caught in the act, the average Vespa owner wouldn't brain her with a lead pipe, but if she keeps up with the snotty attitude, that could prove to be a miscalculation. Clemmons threatens Veronica with suspension, and she worriedly says that would make her ineligible for the Kane Scholarship. Well, considering that we haven't seen Veronica crack a book all season, I don't think that's the only thing that's going to make her ineligible. Clemmons softens the punishment to detention.

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Veronica Mars




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