Veronica Mars
I Am God

Episode Report Card
Couch Baron: B | 6 USERS: A-
We're Not Kidding, Show Killer. Back!

Veronica, hanging in the hallway, sees her dad in the distance amid a bunch of people. She calls to him, but he doesn't hear her, and she's reluctant to leave, because it turns out she's staking out a very pretty girl's locker. Veronica lies that she's helping Michele with the yearbook tribute, but the girl, "Maureen," is neutral at first, until Veronica casually brings it around to the Dick-Betina connection. Maureen: "Dick Casablancas is the bastard child of Satan." And Maureen, you are now Veronica's god. Seriously, how are these two not friends already? I mean, David Schwimmer and Brad Pitt formed a club to hate Jennifer Aniston, and I have to believe these two are both better organized and more motivated. They'd have to turn away the foreign-exchange students. Anyway, Maureen says that Dick treated Betina "like a free hooker," and that description's pretty on the nose, considering that she doesn't even know about the tickets. She adds that Betina was gaga over Dick, and that the worse he treated her, the more obsessed she got. Also, while she knows Betina let him get away with it, it's her "friendial obligation" to blame it all on Dick. The kicker: "All he wanted was to mess around with her and have no one know. And all she wanted? Was for him to knock her up so she could shout it from the rooftops." Veronica gapes at the idea, but I kind of would have liked to see that dream realized. I mean, can you imagine Kendall's face upon hearing she was a (step-, admittedly) grandmother? She would have made Shirley MacLaine in Terms Of Endearment look calm by comparison.

Under The Sea. We can now see that Betina's shirt has "Casablancas" under the part about loving Dick. She asks Veronica if she's trying to keep them straight, causing Peter to appear and snark that Veronica's dressed "Queer Eye For The Dead Guy" in a shirt decorated with a "rhinestone freaking rainbow." I can't wait to see if Marcos is wearing a shirt with a question mark on it. Veronica looks embarrassed that her unconscious is giving her such a hard time, and I might as well point out here that it's pretty clear the kids represent the manifestation of her unconscious guilt and questions about the mystery rather than any sort of paranormal activity. Meg nervously says that she has important information, and Peter agrees that they all do, but Betina tells them that it's time for the bus to crash. Well, at least the rain on that parade won't make them any wetter.

Veronica awakens in class, and we hear her listening to the exact same Captain Krunk broadcast we heard back in "Ahoy Mateys." You'd think the actor might have been available for some new ADR work in the five months since that episode aired...

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Veronica Mars




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