Tru Calling
Past Tense

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Everything I need to know about screenwriting I learned in kindergarten

Cut to the hotel. Tru tells the Obviously Gay Desk Clerk that she's there for "the bachelor party." He spits out the room number for her and points out that the event doesn't start until 7 PM, and the "entertainment" doesn't usually get there until later. Tru wonders out loud why everybody thinks she's a stripper. Obviously Gay Desk Clerk points out, "It's a bachelor party. What else would you be?" Tru is at a loss to answer that question, so suddenly she pretends that she is, indeed, the stripper. Claiming she wants to know what to expect, she asks if there's going to be a waiter or bartender for the party. Obviously Gay Desk Clerk says they declined those options. So there will just be the guests and the stripper. She asks Obviously Gay Desk Clerk if he can help her get in touch with the groom. Obviously Gay Desk Clerk says they don't give out information like that. Tru says, "Too bad. He hasn't decided whether he wants me to be naughty or nice." She gives Obviously Gay Desk Clerk a look that really shouldn't work, because of the name I gave him. Actually, I don't know why it would work on any guy. Oh, she might be a naughty stripper! I'll patch you right through to him, Miss, even though it's not like I'll get to see your act or anything!

Anyway, it worked, for some reason. We cut to Tru, confronting the groom at some office. The groom, in an amusing and unexpected coincidence, looks an awful lot like Bachelor Bob, but without the greasy hair and the tendency to kiss anything that moves. The groom starts the scene by saying, "There's no way I'm going to cancel my bachelor party!" Drink! The groom, whose name is John, theorizes that Robin, his fiancée, has gotten Tru to try to convince him to call the party off because she doesn't like it and doesn't like his friends. Tru wonders out loud how much Robin doesn't like the groom's friends. But never mind -- John wants to know why he has to call off the party. Tru lies that there's some sort of problem with the room. She says they're overbooked. John exposits that it's been "way too long" since he and his friends have gotten together, and nothing's going to convince him to call the party off. He says he's going to call hotel management to complain, but Tru stops him and promises she'll work something out for him. This is one of those scenes that doesn't make any sense at all after you see the end of the show.

Tru is harassing Davis at the morgue with her weekly begging for technical details about how to kill people. In this case, she wants information about the avlocardyl they found in the one body yestertoday. She claims she wants to learn the info for her MCATs. Davis tells her that avlocardyl is a white, undetectable powder that is soluble in water. So it can be ingested, Tru asks? Well, yes, you idiot. God. She asks if you can detect whether somebody's got avlocardyl in his system. Davis says you can within a couple of hours. Tru asks how. "They'll be dead," Davis responds. And then you just need to use that ACME Instant Toxicology Scanner on him.

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Tru Calling




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