Tru Calling
Past Tense

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Everything I need to know about screenwriting I learned in kindergarten

In the bedroom, John pretends that he's upset that she embarrassed him in front of the other guys over not getting married. Yeah, you know how men are about rushing down that aisle. The other fratties will be clucking their tongues about Old Maid John at their next quilting bee: "He'll never be able to keep a woman unless he stops dressing like a tramp!" Tru spills everything she knows about the poisoning. She points out to him that Dry Fratty wasn't drinking any alcohol, so the alvocardyl would show up in the toxicology tests. Then she tells him that even though he ordered all his drinks "neat," she knew this bartending trick where you put some crushed ice on the bottom of the glass to keep the drink cool. Except that the ice would float to the top, and he would know, wouldn't he? Never mind. She tells him that Forrest has the antidote in the next room. He eyes his drink, then puts it down and heads over to the next room. The fratties are all there, staring at him sternly. I think I'd be a little more unhinged if I had found out I had been poisoned, even if I did get the antidote.

And now they attempt to explain any plot holes that exist, but do it in such a way that it makes the episode even worse. As John is being led off in handcuffs, Forrest "explains" to Tru he sent John a letter three weeks ago, explaining that he was going to go to the police and spill the beans about what happened in college. He "couldn't take it anymore." What happened, and we see this through flashbacks, is that John got a little too fresh with a freshman named Catherine that fateful night. John tried to force himself on her, and when she resisted, he threw her down to the floor, except that there happened to be a glass coffee table between her head and the carpet. Ow. John said it was an accident. They didn't believe him, but they agreed to cover it up anyway. Although there's no explanation as to how you "cover up" a dead girl found at a busy graduation party chock full of witnesses who saw her there. But never mind! Never you mind! Oh, and as if the idea of Forrest sending a letter to John to let him know he was going to the police isn't stupid enough, he sent it to John anonymously. So he had to bring all the guys together and kill them all, because he didn't know which one was responsible. Well, of course. Planning an elaborate party to kill five people is so much easier than just fleeing to another country that doesn't believe in extradition. And exactly how long was Forrest going to wait after sending the letter to actually go to the police? And…why? For the love of all things good and right, why? Why would you even send him a letter? He apologizes for not trusting Tru and non-explains that he could barely trust himself. Whatever. Whatever. I don't care. You're stupid and I don't care. Tru says Forrest did the right thing. No, actually he never did. He sent a letter to John, but obviously he never actually went to the police. Anyway, a police officer comes up to Forrest and leads him away. He doesn't get handcuffs for some reason.

Cut to Lindsay, arriving alone at her dark and lonely apartment. She checks her voicemail. No messages. She flicks on the lights, and suddenly a bunch of people pop up from behind the sofa for a surprise birthday party. Tru brings out a cake from another room. Awww. Tru rented people to care about Lindsay for an evening.

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Tru Calling

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