Tru Calling
Past Tense

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Everything I need to know about screenwriting I learned in kindergarten

Cut to Meredith at work for the drug test, revisited. Blah blah not-very-random random testing blah. It ends with her giving the same soap opera face of concern that she's given at the end of every scene she's been in so far.

Cut back to the party, where Tru is ordering a cake for Lindsay over the phone. Married Fratty comes by looking for Forrest, but Tru hasn't seen him. How very suspicious. Tru heads out to the hall to look for him. She looks both ways. No sign of anybody. Clatter, clatter, plink-plink-plink. Uh oh. Somebody rolled 00 on the percentile dice. Suddenly Forrest appears right behind Tru and yanks the napkin out of her back pocket. See, he had to have been spontaneously generated, because he wasn't there a second ago. He wants to know what the stuff on the napkin means. She says that she was using that to try to keep everybody's drink orders organized. He says he checked with the hotel and discovered that they did not arrange for a bartender after all. Why he even cared is beyond all understanding. Oh, right, it's because he's the killer. Except we all know he's not. He tells her he's calling security and having her removed.

They're interrupted by the sound of Turquoise getting upset at the way one of the fratties is, uh, polishing her. Apparently something untoward happened and she got pissed off. We have no idea what, though, and nobody explains. The fratties think she's blowing it all out of proportion, whatever it is. Turquoise demands a few moments to recover her composure in another room. Whatever. Tru goes to join her because, again, whatever. There she finds Turquoise fiddling with something. She asks her what she's doing. Turquoise tells her to leave. Tru suddenly thinks that perhaps Turquoise is the killer or something, but it turns out she's just stealing the fratties' wallets, which is why they showed up at the morgue without identification. She asks Tru if she's going to call the cops, but Tru's got bigger fish to prevent from frying. She then notices that Turquoise is drinking tequila. Some of the old tequila that Tru had stashed. Turquoise has been drinking it all night. And suddenly Tru makes the connection that THE POISON IS NOT IN THE ALCOHOL. For the love of…gah! Dry Fratty was one of the VICTIMS. He didn't. Drink. ANY ALCOHOL. GAAAAAAH! Cancel this show! Cancel this show! I will do anything to get them to cancel this show. If they cancel this show before I write the Extra for the American Idol Christmas special next week, I'll…I'll…I'll say something nice about Clay Aiken. There. All you have to do is cancel this show, and I'll say something nice about Clay. We'll all win. Anyway, Tru looks over at the bar and notices the ice bucket. Then she has a few flashbacks and realizes THE POISON IS IN THE ICE. Like in that brain teaser you read about when you were TEN YEARS OLD. And I'm not exaggerating either. I did some web searches and found the riddle on several sites full of brain teasers for kids.

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Tru Calling

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