Tru Calling
Haunted

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Intolerable Cruelty

This show can fucking bite me.

Tru tries to leave, but ends up opening the door right into Luke, thereby breaking his expensive fake camera prop. Luke whines that the damage can't be fixed, and then wonders AGAIN how she just happens to know his name. "I'm a lucky guesser," she replies, despite all the evidence to the contrary. I mean, she read the script for the pilot and still signed on, right? So she can't be that lucky. Luke wanders away, after making it clear that he hates her now instead of finding her oddly shiny lips to be alluring, and Tru complains that she hopes the day will be getting better. Yeah, you and me both.

Hudson Institute for Advanced Medical Knowledge and Preposterous Dramatic Situations. Tru runs down some steps to the registrar's office, where a bitchy girl is bitching bitchily about her records not coming in from Harvard fast enough. While she waits for Bitchy Girl to finish bitching, Tru gets a call from her bitchy brother, who bitches that she blew him off for breakfast. When he realizes that this must be a repeat bitch…er, I mean, "day," he immediately reaches for the racing form. Tru claims she doesn't remember the names of the horses he zzzzzzzzz. Wha? Huh? Oh. Tru finally hangs up, and Bitchy Girl repeats that her name is "Jessica Hanson" a few times so that we'll all remember it in a few minutes. And be sure to remember that in a few minutes, because it'll be important. Then she moves away so Tru can finally get a chance to talk. Tru hits up the registrar for Paige's exact location, and cons her into providing it against all school rules and also basic common sense, simply by saying that doing so will piss off Jessica "Bitchy Girl" Hanson for some nebulous reason that makes no sense whatsoever. Unfortunately, I'm so far past commenting on the merely asinine at this point that anything less than a 7.0 on the Stupid Richter Scale doesn't even ruffle my feathers anymore. In other words: What. Fucking. Ever.

In a classroom across campus, a token ethnic guy and Brendan Fraser's evil, less-talented doppelganger (LESS talented than Brendan Fraser, you ask? Is such a thing even possible? Well, behold the answer, right here on Tru Crapping! Yeah, they weren't kidding about the obvious puns, were they?) are working on a cadaver in the front of the room while the professor quizzes the rest of the students. Tru watches as Professor Plump picks on Paige, who doesn't know the answer to whatever pointless question the professor is pondering. Tru, however, does know the answer, and she whispers it to herself so we can all know that she's smarter than the rest of typewriter-banging monkeys involved in the production of this show. Blah Blah lecture lecture stupid stupid and for the love of God and all things holy would somebody please tell Doug Petrie that it's not subtext if you actually say it out loud. Thank you. Class dismissed.

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Tru Calling

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