Tru Calling
Haunted

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Intolerable Cruelty

They exchange inappropriately flirtatious goodbyes, and then Boss Guy shows up to tell Tru that he cancelled her request to have some autopsy records sent over because he didn't know what they were for. Um, I don't know -- maybe they were for HER JOB? This is like the time my boss erased an entire hard drive filled with six months' worth of my work, just because he forgot his password and decided to reformat the whole thing and start over. But even that's less than one one-millionth as stupid as what happens next: Tru reveals that the autopsy report was on her mother (WHO DIED BEFORE HER TIME!), and Boss Guy sadly reveals that "the clerk went on vacation tonight for a couple of weeks. With all the red tape downtown, you're probably going to have to wait until he gets back." Sure. Because a city that can afford to hire Tru to basically do nothing but stand around the morgue and look pretty all night would obviously only be able to employ but a single clerk who can summon the wherewithal to open a fucking filing cabinet. I mean, really. That's just sad. And why even go there in the first place? Why bother mentioning something that you have no intention of addressing in this episode if you're just going to provide a ludicrous excuse as to why you're not going to address it in this episode? You don't hear me telling everyone that I was planning to write this entire recap in Sanskrit, but then I couldn't because my keyboard broke and the only electronics store in all of creation was closed for Easter in the middle of December. Hell, in a couple of minutes we're going to see a woman who can magically geo-locate people anywhere on the biggest college campus in whatever godforsaken city this is supposed to be right down to the nearest square centimeter with nothing more than a put-upon smile and a few keystrokes on a computer, but Tru can't get a frigging sheet of paper slipped into the inter-office mail? What. Fucking. Ever. Boss Guy is sympathetic, but not sympathetic enough to stop spouting pretentious nonsense, because he takes this opportunity to opine that he "can't help but wonder if those are the answers [she's] really looking for."

Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!

This manifest stupidity is mercifully interrupted by the arrival of the corpse of the girl from the opening scene (StC = 792, but I'm adding on a ten-octodecillion-point penalty just on general principle). A guy I'm assuming is Marco 2.0 gives the bullet: "Her name's Paige Sanders, a medical student at Hudson. Well, until 4:31 today." Ah. 4:31, you say? Yeah. Be sure to remember how specific they were about the time later on when they go out of their way to show a shot of a clock that conclusively proves Paige couldn't have been murdered until at least 7:30. Doesn't anybody watch this shit before they broadcast it? Would it really be so hard for someone to spend an hour checking this stuff? Actually, yes, it probably would be. That's why I titled this recap "Intolerable Cruelty." But that's not the point. The point is that Fox presumably pays people at least a little bit more than TWoP does, so somebody is clearly not doing his or her job. Tru helpfully exposits that Hudson is the best fake medical school in the entire fake state, and Boss Guy recklessly posits that the needle tracks on Paige's arm must indicate that she died of an overdose. "But what about these huge bruises and handprints on her throat?" wonders Marco 2.0. "And also the petechial hemorrhaging, and the broken windpipe, and this fingernail I just dug out of her jugular vein?" Boss Guy: "Yeah, I saw all that, but we're just going to ignore it for now or else the rest of the episode won't make sense." Marco 2.0: "What do you mean, 'the REST'?" Boss Guy: "Get out. Now." Also remember that Paige here has had exactly ONE needle injected into that arm, and that was done by a med student who theoretically should know what he's doing. That's a lot of bruising for one little shot, don't you think?

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Tru Calling

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