Tru Calling
Haunted

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Intolerable Cruelty

Tru and "Lindsay" (and no, I don't know why I'm still putting it in quotes. But Reuters always does it with the word "terrorist," and I just feel like it's something that could easily be applied to this "show") are having drinks in a swanky bar somewhere, with Tru decked out in a fancy little black dress. The mysterious "Jeremy" arrives at last, and to the surprise of absolutely no one, he's cute and yet still a total moron. "Lindsay" jumps up to fetch him and brings him over to the table, where Tru introduces herself. "You can't be Tru," he smarms in response. "You're too good to be true." Oh. Ow. Oy. "Yeah, my name does lend itself to some obvious puns," replies Tru. Hmm. "Tru-ly awful"? Check. "The Tru-th is crappier than fiction"? Yep. "Tru-man should have dropped the A-bomb on this show"? Ding ding ding! Folks, we have a winner! Jeremy, however, doesn't even seem to know what a pun is. He also admits that he "spent all day" thinking up that line. Well, at least now we know who the avatar for the writing staff is on this show. You totally know someone pitched that line in the writer's room, and everyone was all ROFLTAO and shouting "Wordy McWord Word!" and "You owe me new keyboard!" Morons.

Fade to later. Blah blah yip yap bad date this sucks. It turns out that Jeremy is an asshole, and Tru isn't showing nearly enough cleavage to keep me interested. Then she leaves. Buh-bye, Jeremy!

Cut to Tru showing up at work, and also showing significantly more cleavage than she was about ten seconds ago. Aww. I appreciate the thought, but it's way too late to change my mind now. As she steps off the elevator, she immediately runs into some random dude who could easily be Peter Krause's darker, yet no less hairy or polygonal, younger brother. Tru already knows this guy's name is Luke (I refuse to accept the closed captioning's insistence on spelling it "Luc" because this show is way too crappy to be that pretentious), even though he seems to be under the impression that they've never met before. It's at this point that I would very much like the fact that I -- someone who has never once watched this show, and who, God willing, never will again -- immediately figured out that she must have met him previously on a repeat day to serve as an object lesson to the writers, producers, directors, stars, and evil network overlords of this show that they DO NOT NEED TO REPEAT THE PREMISE OR ANY OTHER SALIENT FACTS ABOUT THE SHOW OR ITS CHARACTERS SIXTY-THREE TRILLION TIMES IN EACH AND EVERY EPISODE. I know it's a challenge coming up with enough big-boy words to fill an entire hour, and I also know that when you're dumber than a box of hair it's difficult to image that your audience could be any brighter, but let me assure you -- we are. The hallways of Oz were brighter than the fucking writers on this show. Anyway, Luke and Tru flirt. He likes the dress. She complains about her blind date. He's incredibly rectangular. Her lips are really shiny. Then he leaves. Buh-bye, Luke!

Once Luke leaves, Tru's cell phone rings. It's Harrison, calling from the diner, and what the hell is up with the hooker outfits on the waitresses in this place? Who'd ever be stupid enough to try to wait tables in a leather choker and knee-high pleather boots? Oh, wait. People on this show. Asked and answered, then. Harrison gives her the winning horses for the day, but Tru thinks that using her powers for personal financial gain would be cheap and tawdry. You know, kinda like doing a show on Fox. "You know I have no idea why I can do what I do," she explains, "but I'm pretty sure it's not so I can pick the ponies." This is dumb because a) she does know why -- it's to save all the dead people, and b) because she's not the one picking them, he is. Sigh.

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Tru Calling

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