Tru Calling
Haunted

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Intolerable Cruelty

Tru runs into Luke, who says he's not mad about the broken fake camera, and also maybe he kinda likes her and might want to meet her after study hall for a malted or something. That man is frighteningly geometrical.

Now it's Harrison's turn for a wrap-up. He calls Tru to say that he had a great day and even managed to get laid without resorting to gambling or incest. Wow. The more you know, huh? Oh, and Tru lied about not remembering the names of the zzzzzzzz.

And finally it's Boss Guy's turn. It's too bad that I just noticed that he's getting sort of pudgy, because then I could have called him Boss Hog and called Drue "Duke" instead of "Drue," and along with Luke had, like, a whole little Dukes of Hazzard thing going. I could probably go back and do a find-and-replace, but that's way too much effort right now. Anyway, Boss Guy got the autopsy records for her, but after all the crap they went through, Tru doesn't even bother to open the fucking things. Typical. And then Boss Guy basically reveals that he knows her whole secret, and Tru acts like it's the most shocking thing in the world instead basic Genre Television 101. Girl, please. I've been watching Carnivàle, so unless he reveals that he's really her mother who DIED BEFORE HER TIME and also maybe her father and that he even has the power to heal dead kittens that get brought into the morgue, I'm just not going to be impressed. He promises to tell her what he knows, and then at long last we fade to black and I am finally fucking free. Thank God.

You know, I don't ask for much from my televised entertainments. Hell, most of the time I'm just looking for a nice, easy, carefree way to kill an hour or two. And despite what my snooty, high-class HBO reputation might suggest, I've actually got no problem with fluff. Like I said earlier, I watch She Spies. But this show is so insanely awful that it actually literally offends me. I mean, I've done plenty of shoddy work in my day (some of it on this very website), but I would NEVER, EVER allow something this bad to go out to the world at large with my name on it. It'd be too embarrassing. It's got plotholes big enough to drive a truck through, logical fallacies that would make Socrates double up on the hemlock, public-access production values, horrible acting, paint-by-numbers direction, and a concept so blatantly ripped off from a half-dozen other genre shows that I don't know why they just didn't call it Seven Days Early (Edition) and been done with it. If the people who are involved with this show aren't ashamed of themselves, well, it's only because they have no shame. Which may explain why they're working for Fox, but it still doesn't justify why anyone should have to watch their little third-grade storytelling project. And as for Eliza Dushku, well, I've liked her since True Lies, so I'm compelled to be at least a little bit generous. Which is why I'm advising her to run away from this show as fast as she possibly can. Run, Eliza, run! No, not that way. The other way. Towards me. Yeah, that's it. That's the good stuff. Flick…ahh.

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Tru Calling

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