Tru Calling
Closure

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Soldier of Misfortune

I hope your holidays were fun, safe, entertaining, and free of awful shows that really should have been cancelled by now.

We open the episode with "Off We Go, Into the Wild" Tru "Yonder" Davies happily slamming a morgue locker door shut on a dead body (gee, I guess that one deserved to die), with Davis at her side. Davis points out that she seems happy. She is. She's happy because she gets to spend the next five minutes reciting to us the entire premise of this show, including details about her background, family, mysterious powers, and boyfriend, and therefore doesn't have to worry about any gaping plot holes until at least the first act. No doubt they're doing this because of all those new viewers that have tuned in now that Survivor is over and…oh, wait. Let me just check. No. Still not happening. Wherever Miss Alli goes, America follows. I'm not recapping all this. It's awful, and we already know all this. The exposition horribly segues into a reminder that Tru's dad sucks. Here's a great line: "It's funny: I can prevent death, but I can't make a father take interest in his own daughter." That is funny. Tired of all the jabbering, Davis takes on his regular role as the "guy with awkward dialogue that is used as a scene transition" as he reminds Tru that somebody out there is going to be really grateful for her help.

And here he is! We cut to a man in a hospital robe, sitting and waiting in an examination room for a doctor. God built this man with one directive: "Try to create the least interesting-looking human being imaginable." He's not terribly attractive, or terribly ugly. His hair is mousy brown. His eyes are brown. He is without identifying features that would register in your mind at all. I'd call him "vanilla," but "vanilla" is actually a flavor. He's plain yogurt. The doctor comes in and calls Mr. Nobody "Jake." He tells him that they just got Jake's CAT scan back, and says they need to "talk for a moment," which we all know means "figure out who your next of kin is." Jake looks blank. Of course.

Cut to some unspecified time later, where Jake is buttoning up an Army uniform. A nurse comes in and asks him what he's doing, pointing out he's supposed to be in bed in his robe. He ignores her and walks out into the hallway. For some reason, the nurse doesn't follow him. Instead, he's stopped by an MP, who repeats the stuff about how Jake's supposed to be in bed relaxing. Jake says he just needs to go somewhere for a couple of hours, but then he'll be back. The MP isn't cooperative, and tries to lead Jake back to his room. Jake doubles over like he's in pain. When the MP leans over to help him, Jake grabs the gun out of his holster and points it at him. Jake insists he'll be back in a couple of hours. Well, why didn't Jake just run away from the MP, then? What are they going to do, shoot him?

So then somebody shoots Jake. Right in the chest. He goes down. We see an MP down the hall holding a gun. The first MP is upset. The second MP says that he saw somebody holding a gun on him and acted. The first MP points out that it was "just Jake." See, even they don't think there's anything special about him. The first MP feels Jake's neck and determines that he's dead. Man, it's a shame they're not someplace where a gunshot victim could possibly be resuscitated and saved by skilled medical professionals, like IN A FUCKING HOSPITAL.

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Tru Calling

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