Top Design
Metropolitan Home Suites

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Mr. Sobell: C | Grade It Now!
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The No-Tell Hotel

Todd walks in, and informs everyone that sketch time is over. "Now the fun begins," he says. We're pulling the plug on Top Design and replacing it with a better, more entertaining show? Alas, no. Todd just meant it was time to go fake-shopping, which also means it's time for a very real montage. Carisa kicks our shopping spree off by griping about the $30,000 budget, which is exactly what I do whenever I have to shop, only replace "$30,000" with "whatever I have left after paying my mortgage." So I'm a tad unsympathetic. Carisa's point is that furniture at the PDC can cost $10,000 a throw -- indeed, this weird orb-like chair she's eyeing has an $11,000-plus price tag, so it's a no-go. Sounds to me like the $30,000 budget spared you from making a horrific design choice, sweets. Matt, meanwhile, is looking for furniture with sheen and clarity -- glass vases and metallic lamps, in essence -- so that he doesn't go over the top with his water theme. A pity, too, as I was hoping to see water-based furniture tonight. ("I can't hear you -- I'm in the jacuzzi suit!") Goil is slapping tags all over furniture in the PDC. Since none of his selections appear to be on fire, I guess he's not taking the theme too literally, either. Or maybe that's what the matches are for. He can use the 40 one-yard samples he picked at Pindler & Pindler ("A great place for fabric samples! Conveniently located in the Pacific Design Center for all your contest needs!") to help the fire spread. Soon, all the designers tromp into McGary & Co., Linen Supplier to the Stars, to pick out their bedding. Matt goes with "clean, classic, simple linen sheets." Carisa goes with all-white choices -- fluffy clouds, you know. The linen choices of Goil and Andrea are left on the cutting room floor. I'll give either one $5 if they demand Star Wars sheets like I had when I was a kid. ["Can they beat the He-Man and the Masters of the Universe comforter I had as a toddler? No. No, they cannot." -- Joe R]

Back in the Room of Hatching Plans That Inevitably Go Awry, Todd announces that it's time to meet with the carpenters. "And since you are paired up with the carpenter of your choice," Todd says. "I expect you to build some pretty amazing pieces for your suites." Or rather, if this Boston Globe article spotted by eagle-eyed forum poster BeanyMalone is any indication, just phony something up that stays together long enough to trick Adler and the gang. Carisa begins explaining to Carl what she wants to do with the bed -- you can visibly see Carl white-knuckling the table and steeling himself for the hours upon hours of abuse he is likely to endure over the next three days. Carisa's plan involves screens, somewhat akin to air vents, that create a division between the bed and the living space; also, she's planning on berating Carl a lot. She doesn't explicitly reveal that plan, but c'mon -- you know it's an agenda item. Andrea is talking moldings with Blair -- I myself am distracted by the fact that they're two-fifths of the way toward fielding a fairly formidable NBA team. Matt presents his wishlist to carpenter Ed, who has been pretty much in the background up until this point in the series: "There's a lot of baseboards, a lot of profiles we're putting together. The built-in nightstands. The upholstered wall. This really low wainscot." As Matt rattles all this off, Ed's expression grows increasingly more grim. "Are you scared?" Matt asks him; Ed's face is too frozen in horror to register acknowledgement that Matt is speaking. And while we're on the subject of horror, let's check in on the progress of Goil losing all his marbles, as he explains his plans for a glittering, mirrored curtain in his room: "The gold represents the sort of flame of fire that sort of vertically travel up into the air. And so that is my representation of that. And I hope it's fabulous." Yup -- still losing it.

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