Top Design
Metropolitan Home Suites

Episode Report Card
Mr. Sobell: C | Grade It Now!
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The No-Tell Hotel

First up is Carisa's room -- and crap, does it look good. The colors really pop; the screen setting off the bed from the rest of the room feels like a good touch; the bed even looks comfortable. And it all ties together well with her theme, which she explains in terms clear enough for even the densest judge to grasp. Crap, crap, crap. She's going to be around for another week, isn't she? Another week of me having to type out every last syllable of abuse she heaps upon poor Carl. "I'm in love with my suite, and I want to move into my suite," Carisa says. You'll excuse me while I go kick my couch repeatedly. In the meantime, please enjoy the fiery splendor of Goil's room -- there's a red and orange stripe across all three walls, a red sisal rug underneath the bed, that strange metal curtain behind the bed, and a lot of fabric fastened to the wall. It appears that rolling thing Goil was pushing around earlier was the stand for the bed, not some weird flooring trickery. So Goil, I owe you an apology. Goil begins his presentation for the judges by saying he tried to focus "on the more sort of calm part of fire, which is the sunset. Or the sunrise. And when you first light a fire, I thought, that is not quite red." He demonstrates this last point by lighting a match for the judges' benefit. Goil -- apology rescinded. Anyhow, Goil notes that each of his furnishings has a meaning that relates to fire -- the furrowed brows on each of the judges suggests that they are not buying it.

On to Andrea's room, which does not really look earth-like. "Last week's challenge, I did a very earthy room that was a little bit more posh and stately," Andrea tells the judges. "So I wanted to do something that was a little bit more fresh and bright and contemporary." Yes, but again -- you won last week. Last week's approach worked; why are you deviating from what worked? Bah. The colors -- mocha giving way to a kind of dirty cream, giving way to blue -- don't seem to work; the furnishings don't seem to take the theme into account; and yes, that is a lawn growing on the sidetables next to the bench. On the plus side, the stone front to the bench looks really keen -- more of that, please. "I was trying to do happy, clean earth as opposed to muted earth or sad earth or dark earth," Andrea explains. How about "confused and muddled earth?" Because I think you nailed that one. We conclude with Matt's room... which is plain. Very plain. Oh so plain. "The idea I had all along was to create this clarity in the room," Matt explains. "That you would walk in and kind of be immediately removed of everything that was in your head." Not a difficult task for Wearstler. The furniture is supposed to be reminiscent of the qualities of water -- the night stand is reflective, the Lucite table is translucent, and so forth. Like Carisa's room, there's a division between the seating area and the sleeping area, though his is less enclosed. I'd tell you more, but I've become distracted by the size of this black ring Linda O'Keefe is wearing that is roughly the size of a meerkat's skull. The judges disperse and we are left with the very deep thoughts of the Top Designers. Matt thinks it would "fucking rock" to make the final three. Andrea thinks earth was very difficult theme. I only wish she would have brought up that point before now.

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Top Design

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