Torn Between Two Mothers

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Mommy Dearest

Gwen returns home, fresh from accusing Heather of killing Richard, and is startled by the sound of a champagne cork popping. Peter's got the bubbly out, hoping to celebrate. Gwen is sorry to disappoint him but there'll be no celebrating tonight. Wait a second. Doesn't she remember that Peter showed her the videotape of Chandler and Heather snogging in Hawaii? Yes, yes, Gwen remembers, and Heather admitted to it all: the affair, the lies, the poor fashion choices -- everything. Perfect. First, Peter's going to have the marriage to Richard declared fraudulent. To be honest, I wasn't aware that such a ruling was possible, even in California. Real or not, Peter reasons that the fraudulent thing should block any claims Heather has on Richard's estate. Not so fast big boy. Heather's carrying Richard's baby, so Gwen declares that there'll be no fraud, no legal attack, and worst of all, no champagne. "Heather's carrying a Williams' heir," Peter redundantly blathers. That's right, and she'll be staying right where she is -- in Richard's mansion. Peter doesn't want Heather to get away with it. Unfortunately, where Heather's concerned, he'll have to get used to it. Gwen laments, "She's won."

Heather interrupts Chandler's sleep. "She knows!" she cries. Gwen knows about the affair. Peter showed her the tape. Rather than feeling horribly guilty about the lie he's been living and the pain he's brought to the family, Chandler's first reaction is to beat Peter to a pulp. Heather tells him not to worry about it because she's fixed everything. She just told Gwen that the baby is Richard's. Problem solved. Chandler can't believe it. Heather defends her actions as the only way to protect the two of them. Actually, Chandler's already in so much shit that this is only going to protect Heather. Of course when the baby's born, (okay, I know a baby will never be born, but stay with me for this) and people start counting backwards, somebody's going to figure out that Heather had the little critter inside her longer than she knew Richard. Chandler would prefer to be vulnerable to "their" attacks than to pile on more lies. He's had enough -- he's getting away from the lies, Heather, all of it. And we cut to the title song.

Heather descends the staircase in a white nightgown with poodle-hair trim. She enters the Williams' breakfast nook (something my entire apartment could fit in). The table is covered in every possible breakfast option. So much for coffee and a bagel. Of course, it'll be no surprise to loyal viewers that despite all the shit that's gone down, the warring parties still eat breakfast together. As Heather pours herself a cup of coffee, Peter walks in and proclaims, "If it isn't the mommy to be." He wants to know how the family can be sure that she's really pregnant without having to take just her word for it. She's anticipated this kind of suspicion and pulls out at daybook that we certainly didn't see her bring into the room with her. She's pulling out what's probably going to be a still from the sonogram or maybe a blood test. Nope: it's an official written verification of pregnancy. Well that certainly sounds real, and it's enough to assuage Peter's suspicions. But it's not enough to prevent him from continuing to expel her from the family. "It's not over until the pregnant lady sings," he declares. She vows that he'll regret that, especially the singing part. Jack arrives suddenly, bringing the bickering to a halt. He heard about the baby through Gwen and promises to do anything he can for Heather and Baby Richard. Peter voices his disgust, but Jack tells him to back off. Suddenly Peter's not so hungry anymore and gets up to leave, saying that he's got morning sickness. Kind of funny. Jack continues to assure Heather that all of the family's resources are at her disposal. She's ever so grateful, and just listening to Jack makes her feel that Richard is still in the room. She clasps his hand, and the two trade meaningful looks.

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