The Voice
The Top 12 Performances

Episode Report Card
Carla Sparks: C | Grade It Now!
Cheaper by the Dozen

Carson really needs to stop trying to making "Entertainer of the Year Blake Shelton" happen. It's been four episodes now, and it's all Carson will say. Do you think Carson is mad because he's an inferior Adam Levine, except when it comes to being cast as an abusive husband in a Lifetime Original Movie? Anyway, this week our votes actually matter. There are no judge saves this time, which are basically the electoral college of The Voice.

Also, two artists will go home each week, and there's no guarantee that someone from each team will continue. THIS is how it should be. Team Christina is going to be out almost immediately, and then maybe Christina will just leave.

I like Christina's look tonight. She's wearing a hat, and a vest, and her boobs are almost artfully covered by a ripped-up T-shirt. After shooting the shit with Christina, Carson tells us we have no time to waste, and Michaela Paige is up first.

True to genre, Michaela Paige is singing "Blow Me (One Last Kiss)" by Pink. It's possible that Blake was too busy being Entertaining to have heard this song, so he proves ineffective as a mentor yet again. For her performance, Michaela pushed her mohawk to the side and isn't wearing a tutu. Oops, I take that back, she is wearing a half-tutu, which I guess is just a tu, if you want to be cute about it.

The song is modern and relevant, but I think there's just too much going on with the outfit and the makeup and the song. The coaches love her, though. Christina lazily tells Michaela she has a "bright and bold" voice. Christina has a lot to say tonight. Adam is glad that Michaela didn't try to touch any of them when she approached the giant spinning chairs. Blake wants America to know how hard Michaela works, then begs us to vote for her.

Up next, it's Dez Duron from Team Christina. Yup, he's still here. He chose the Lauryn Hill version of "Can't Take My Eyes Off of You." As his coach, Christina slurs, "I like everything you're doing, Dahhhhhz" Do you think Dez got to stay a little later at that private album listening party at Christina's house?

Dez's performance is good enough. He's a good singer, and he works the crowd in that little velvet jacket. The performance isn't particularly energizing, though. Cee Lo tells Dez it was impeccable, Adam says this song fits Dez the best out of all the other crap he's been doing, and Blake isn't aware of the Lauryn Hill version.

Before anything else that matters can happen, we check in with Christina Milian in the skybox. She asks a question from Twitter about "pre-show rituals" and how long it takes Michaela to do her hair. Way to get the scoop, Christina M.

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The Voice




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