The Voice
The Finals

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Angel Cohn: B+ | Grade It Now!
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According to Carson Daly, we're live (though the screen informs us that portions are pre-recorded) and we're down to the final four contestants, but we've got two hours to fill. The coaches decided "just a few hours ago" to come up with a musical tribute to their beloved contestants. This "thrown together" piece of crap is their very screechy rendition of "Under Pressure." Credit to Blake though, who really brings murderous intensity to his performance. I can appreciate that. Cee Lo is wearing the same robe that Ben and Constantine bought on The Bachelorette this week. Christina's in her standard hooker gear. Adam is... there.

Carson explains the rundown for the evening. Each finalist will perform a duet with their coach and then perform an original song. We're instructed to only base our votes on the original song. Right, like you can control that. I hate original songs on Idol. I can only hope they are less excruciating here and that the lyrics involve less rainbows and puppies and dreams.

We then get a clip package of how the final four came to be, from when the judges originally turned around for their artists, to seeing them compete, to showing how the coaches have helped their artists with clothes and pimped them at their own concerts. And we get a preview of the duets and the original songs and are given instructions on how to vote as the live finals start RIGHT NOW. Not 10 minutes ago when this show began, but RIGHT NOW.

The final four are brought out on stage. Dia's wearing a lovely long red gown, Beverly's in leather pants, Vicci also appears to be wearing leather pants and Javier is sporting a leather jacket. How many animals were killed for this finale? Judging by the screaming ladies in the audience, Javier is the clear favorite. They all get a minute to talk about how excited they are and how happy they are for each other and if they have nerves. Carson, really? Now that Xenia is gone, no one is going to have a panic attack. Stop trying to play that.

Carson shoos them offstage to get ready and then talks to the judges, reminding the audience that he used to host a little show called TRL about 100 years ago. And he's still a big ol' vacant block of wood. Nice to know some things never change. He wonders what Adam thinks of America "having control" and Adam babbles about his man crush on Javier and how grateful he is to have a job and exist on this planet. When asked about Vicci, Cee Lo gives a speech about her inspirational qualities for the Latino community and for other women out there. During her turn, Christina nods a lot and says that Beverly is more than just a good voice, she's what Xtina calls a "true artist". Carson says that Blake is an emotional mess, but he keeps it together while he talks about his affection for Dia.

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The Voice

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