The Voice
The Battles Premiere

Episode Report Card
Carla Sparks: B+ | Grade It Now!
Triumph of the Underdogs

It's time for The Voice to gain some more momentum, after that clip show ground things to a screeching halt. I guess it's hard to keep track of 64 competitors, but if Rome did it so can we. To the coliseum.

The Battle Rounds are here, and that means a few things. Everyone gets at least one new outfit to wear for the next several weeks, so Cee Lo will have to find another bathrobe or sweatsuit. Also, "the Steal" will be introduced, as an effort to amp up everyone's investment in this part of the show. The judges can steal artists cast off by their coach in favor of their competitor, so gone are the days of meaningless comments from other coaches about how they would choose the worse person because they tried hard or because they're nice to look at.

Each coach is allowed two steals, making for teams of ten when all is said and done with this round. God, I'm exhausted, and that's just from trying to figure out what it is about Christina's face that makes her look like she's made of wax. Is it that she's made of wax? Could that be it?

Adam will be assisted by Mary J. Blige, Blake will work with the sad-faced Michael Buble, and Cee Lo brought in Rob Thomas. Perhaps the most confusing pairing is Christina Aguilera with Billie Joe Armstrong, lead singer of Green Day. But don't worry, I didn't miss that sound bite where Rob Thomas of Matchbox 20 referred to himself as a "full superstar." And we'll get to that crazy bonkers all-white room that Christina is having her team rehearse in.

The first battle is coming to us from Blake's team: Casey Muessigman versus Terry McDermott. If my memory serves me properly, Casey tore his meniscus, and Terry is the Scottish guy with a mullet. Yup, Carson just referred to Casey as the "former overweight wrestler." Does anyone check this copy that Carson writes for himself?

Casey and Terry will compete with "Carry On My Wayward Son" by Kansas. In rehearsals, Casey is making it all country and Michael Buble is like, "whoa whoa whoa, you're giving it a country take. You should show off your versatility like I do," and then he bought three more blazer-fedora combos from the Crooner Store and had some black and white photos taken.

Blake warns Terry against getting too comfortable, as he sees an underdog in Casey. In the awkward post-rehearsal sit-down, Casey tells Blake and Michael Buble that he's a fighter. He fought as a wrestler, and he fought against obesity. Now he will beat Terry to a bloody pulp in this battle round, completely misunderstanding the assignment.

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The Voice




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