The Voice
The Battles Continue, Part 4

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Carla Sparks: C | Grade It Now!
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A Musical Pillow Fight

Oh my god, the Battle Rounds are actually coming to a close. This sort of wound up being like Gettysburg, and by Gettysburg, I mean Gettysburg the movie because it was so long and dull.

Carson promises they've saved some of the greatest talent for this final episode, which seems kind of withholding to me. Why you gotta be like that, Carson? Also, I think for the last several weeks I've been calling Billy Joe Armstrong "Billy Joel Armstrong" because of Billy Joel, and also Haley Joel Osment. It's too late to change it in my mind now, so let's just go with Billy Joel Armstrong. You know, the lead singer of Green Day? Guy wearing all black in that stark, white room, furnished by the proceeds of "Mi Reflejo"?

The first battle is from Team Christina: Adriana Louise versus Jordan Pruitt. Adriana is the one from that family that was kidnapped, and Jordan Pruitt is a former Disney star. It's tough to say who Christina will relate to more (no, it's not). In my mind, these two, and all the other girls on Christina's team, are indistinguishable. For these two, Christina chose "Hot and Cold" by Katy Perry.

I don't know how else to say this: Billy Joe(l) Armstrong obviously wants to do former Disney star Jordan Pruitt. The way he was looking at her? Come ON. But also, Adriana was kidnapped when she was nine and held hostage, so there's that for added sex appeal. In rehearsal, Christina tells Adriana that she is the underdog, and she needs to add a little more of that "bite" to her voice.

In the final rehearsal, Christina taught Adriana how to sing the song the way Christina Aguilera would sing it (take that, Katy Perry, and your stupid docu-style movie). I was distracted by the thought that these girls (Adriana, probably) are completely screwed, since Christina has the only steal left and she can't steal her own singers back. I'm not rooting for one over the other, because again, they are virtually indistinguishable.

The battle "Hot and Cold" begins, and it mostly just annoys me. Katy Perry songs are fun to dance to, but not great for showing off one's vocal ability. I know this because a group of soccer players sang "I Kissed a Girl" at karaoke night this one time in my town, and it was terrible, but not un-watchable. Adriana went for a big note and fell flat; Jordan definitely seems more polished, if that even matters anymore. Anyone stuck on Team Christina will not win this competition.

After the battle, Cee Lo says some things to the girls that don't really make sense entirely. Like, this is what he said to Jordan: "Jordan, you should kinda know she's gonna take that point, that you, you know, find a little space to do it equally as grand, you know, you didn't necessarily do that on this battle. I would go with Adriana." Come on, Cee Lo, what is that?

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