The Voice
Season 5, The Battles Premiere, Part 2

Episode Report Card
Carla Sparks: C- | 13 USERS: A-
YOU GRADE IT
Some Kind of Whatever

It's only the beginning of the second battle episode and Carson is already lauding them "some of the best battles yet." So far, I disagree. Usher was a great coach. They've already used like, twelve steals, too. Thank god for Cher, who is the only thing holding this show together right now.

The first battle pairing is Team Christina's Jacob Poole versus Matthew Schuler. Jacob doesn't look very familiar, but he does look like he could play the murderer boyfriend in a Lifetime Original. He grew up singing for his dad's mega-church. Matthew also grew up singing in his father's church, which is currently in their basement. Matthew had a four-chair turn so Christina would be nuts not to keep him.

Matthew, who can hardly stop squinting, is so excited to see Ed Sheeran as Christina's co-mentor. He's so thrilled by everything he manages to see through all that delighted squinting. Christina has assigned these two "My Songs Know What You Did in the Dark (Light ‘Em Up)" by Fall Out Boy. Jacob is already proving more talented than his audition showed. He sang "Marry Me" in his audition and it was ho-hum enough that it got montaged.

In the rehearsals, Matthew and Jacob both want to show that they can take the high harmony, probably because Ed Sheeran says whoever sounds better on it should have it. They are very Godlike about sharing, but Christina wants it to get a little bit Dirrty, you know? In the final rehearsal, it seems like Jacob is doing a bit better. Matthew will pull through in the end, though.

Finally, it's time for Jacob to go against "bagel shop worker and college student Matthew Schuler." I forgot about Matthew's generic bagel shop job. Jacob is wearing a stupid leather hat, to match Jacob's average leather jacket. I'm pleased to see leather is still making an appearance. The song is much better suited to Jacob's voice and style, but those things are very five years ago, kind of like Fall Out Boy. It's a good duet, though. They interact well and the harmonies are solid, as well as the unison strains.

Cee Lo gives props to their chops and enjoyed the battle. Adam calls it "a musical ass-whoppin'" but whose ass got whooped? Adam says it's us. Our asses. Adam says he would go with Matthew just because Matthew has been a favorite. Blake admits to being more impressed with what Jacob did and his growth on the show so far. Jacob is more of a surprise for sure, but he looks too much like Carson Daly from a distance. In the end, Christina declares Matthew the winner of the battle, just so she can keep him. I hope Matthew never wears that outfit or anything like it ever again though.

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