The Voice
Season 4: The Blind Auditions Premiere

Episode Report Card
Carla Sparks: A- | 1 USERS: B
Confessions, Part 1

The Voice just doesn't stop, does it? Cee Lo and Christina got off at the last stop, and now we are treated to Usher and Shakira. And you can't forget about Blake Shelton, Blake Shelton wouldn't hear of it. Adam Levine is there and as long as he is shirtless at least three times this season I will not complain. Oops, except Adam Levine walked onstage holding a Starbucks cup like a complete douche. It is no secret that the Starbucks cup and his shirtlessness are all part of Adam's contract.

I think/hope Shakira might be the drag queen Christina always wanted to be, or is at least the Yara Sofia to Christina's Phi Phi O'Hara. And everybody likes Usher, if not for Usher, then for Justin Bieber. Blake Shelton I am absolutely sick of.

Everyone, even me, is excited for the Blind Auditions. Just the voice, they are coaches and mentors not judges, no judgment, etc. But really, this is all about hilarious juxtapositions and the viewers at home getting to have lots of judgments. And we're so over American Idol this season.

To "show us how it's done," the coaches perform a who-cares rendition of "Come Together" by The Beatles. Usher is obviously the best and the sexiest and the smoothest. Have you ever really listened to Shakira's voice singing a non-Shakira song? It is strange and a bit disconcerting. But hey, she also plays the harmonica, and she is not Christina trying to promote her new album all season long.

Outside the stage, dozens of Voice hopefuls mill about aimlessly. Inside, The Morgan Twins are first to perform. They dressed identically because their mom picked out their outfits, and to hide the fact that they are not identical twins. Like, you can tell them apart. They are so "honored" to be the first set of twins on The Voice because they forgot what the word honor means. This is so stupid already.

The Morgan Twins do everything together, except most things. One of them is an insurance agent and the other is a mental health therapist. That's right boys, this duo is twice as dull. Carson asks them if they always dress alike, and if they do everything together, and just before he asks them about pillow-fights and starts touching himself through the pocket of his jacket, The Morgan Twins are up on stage.

The first Morgan Twin (the one with slightly bigger boobs) starts off with the introductory run of "Fallin'" by Alicia Keys and Usher and Blake turn around before there can even be a "there's two of 'em!" reaction shot. They will choose Usher, of course, because they mentioned him in their intro package. Adam turns around, too, and Shakira tests out her button just before the song ends. I reluctantly admit that the Morgan Twins are very, very good.

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The Voice




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