The Voice
Live Eliminations

Episode Report Card
Carla Sparks: C- | 8 USERS: C+
The Sexiest Man Stays Alive

Carson promises that tonight, eight will become six. That sounds like an orgy I wouldn't be a part of, but I guess I'm what you could call "not an orgy girl." Carson is really rushing this key party along, though, hurriedly introducing the judges (Christina looks like an Oscar OMG), then rolling the summary clip package. Maybe he has to fart and is worried about the microphone picking up any ambient noise. The trick there, Carson, is to introduce a judge and then fart during the applause. You're welcome.

After the recap, Carson brags about the iTunes records this episode set which is like winning Best Volcano at the science fair. Do science fairs even exist anymore? What kind of world do we even live in? The kind of world that lets three n00bs perform with Ellie Goulding. She's "joined by" James, Matthew and Will, and that really means they will be backing her up and singing a couple words so they don't screw this up too badly. Have a million people already said that Ellie Goulding looks like a young, vulnerable Celine Dion who hasn't been hardened by the world yet? Poor Ellie Goulding. Matthew seems very comfortable up there, but James and Will are practically pissing themselves. She sounds good live, at least.

Adam feels very strongly about his team, he tells Carson, but his team members are most likely to lose one just by statistics alone. Also, I really hate Will and James. America doesn't seem to, though, proving once again that I am not the voice of the people. Cee Lo says Caroline's talent is undeniable and he's used to being the underdog. Christina looks amazing, I want to commission a portrait of her. I had to look away to hear if Christina said anything important. She didn't! Blake is proud of his team and "really couldn't tell ya" who the bottom two will be.

Carson brings out the Top 8 and warns them that he'll be asking some of them stalling questions before he delivers any results, so they shouldn't "freak out" if he calls their name. So, if you hear your name, you just have to stumble over "what this experience means to you," and has no bearing on whether or not you are eliminated. Got it. Carson asks Tessanne what Adam's coaching has meant to her first. Tessanne answers admirably, delivering specifics and very sincere praise for Adam.

"Well," Carson continues, staring deadly into the camera, having ignored Tessanne's response, "after last night's performances, America voted." What a douche. An efficient douche, but a douche just the same. The first artist in the Top 6 is Will Champlain. God, I disagree with that pretty hard. But "At Last" is in that same folder as "Hallelujah" when it comes to songs to manipulate audiences with.

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The Voice




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