The Voice
Blind Auditions Continued

Episode Report Card
Carla Sparks: B- | 1 USERS: A-
13 Dead End Dream Street

The Voice: It's Always On. The Voice: I'll Watch It But I Won't Watch That New Matthew Perry Sitcom. The Voice: It's Sort of Our Fault FOX Created The Choice and I'm Sorry About That, But Wait -- Why Am I Apologizing? The Voice: If You Hate It, That's On You, Bro. We're back! We never left.

Adam was selective in the last two episodes, so he only has two artists. Blake is fast and loose with his button, so he has four. Cee Lo has three misfits and Christina has four people who remember her from their childhood and not from that one Super Bowl. And none of the coaches shows any sign of stopping when it comes to doing that thing where they point at themselves over their own head. Except Cee Lo. He doesn't do that shit.

The "first" artist of "the day" is Samuel Mouton, Carson tells us as though we're all still under the willing suspension of disbelief that this was not all filmed in one, hot and sweaty, eleven hour day during which Christina Aguilera was not allowed to touch up her cleavage shadowing. Ugh. But let's talk about this kid Samuel, who needs a haircut. His dad was part of a reggae group and he and his family are all white, so this guy better have miraculously survived some sort of brain accident for me to even care to listen to him. That's why he's wearing that hat the way no one wears hats anymore, right?

But no, this stoner's only plight is working at a pizza place. Gross, he'd better wear a hair net. Samuel listened to a lot of Bob Marley growing up (thanks, dad), so he's planning to surprise all the coaches when they turn around and see a scrawny, pizza-making white dude. Adam and Cee Lo turn around almost right away, followed by Christina and none of them really looked surprised. But I think they were just professionally masking the fact that they wanted a cool, slick-looking black dude on their team.

What would this guy even do on Christina's team? Braid each other's hair? Christina said she was relaxed by Samuel's voice, and wants to spend some time with him. That's all... not like as a vocal coach or anything. Cee Lo complimented Samuel on being a scholar of Bob Marley, but not an imitation. Adam started talking, but I was distracted from what he was saying by Christina's unnecessary fan, which she brandished to help ease along the drying of her boob bronzer. Samuel went with Adam, because they are both tall, skinny white dudes.

Chris Trousdale is a former boy band member, from "Dream Street" with Jesse McCartney. Hahaha. Now he's a waiter and he's all butt-hurt about it because no one expected Chris Trousdale of Dream Street to be serving them sushi during their lunch break, especially not Chris Trousdale from Dream Street. At this exact moment, my friend texted me, "Are you watching The Voice? Ewwww. Wtf -- Chris Trousdale." My thoughts exactly.

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The Voice




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