Surreal Life
Mel's Diner

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Uncle Bob: B+ | Grade It Now!
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Tammy Faye goes to get The Surreal Times and there are a few bags of groceries on the front porch. As it turns out, they're required to make some brownies and deliver them to their neighbors today. This is the same gig they had to do last season. It was tired then, and it's even more tired now. The women start cooking while the men gather around the kitchen table and chat. Naturally, the women have to point out that they're cooking while the men sit because that's what all women do when men don't help out in the kitchen. You never see guys rebuilding transmissions bitching that the women are inside knitting. Trust 'em, ladies. You don't want their help baking brownies. Unless Ice happened to bring a bag of pot with him to the house. Man. Tammy Faye high on pot brownies. Wouldn't that be a stitch? Yeah. So anyway, the brownies are finally finished and the housemates take to the streets to deliver them. Because nothing says "surreal" like Tammy Faye Bakker standing on your front porch greeting you with a plate full of brownies and her horribly disfigured face.

The first house they come upon belongs to an older gentleman whose appearance is right on the fine line between "kindly grandfather" and "kiddie porn-addicted mass murderer." He asks if he's about to be arrested (in reference to Erik), has to repent (Tammy Faye), or if they're there to make a movie (Ron, Trishelle, and Traci). He admits to not recognizing Vanilla Ice, which doesn't really faze the Iceman because it's not like his target audience is porn-addicted grandfathers. Ron asks the guy what he does for a living, and the guy says, "Absolutely nothing." Ron says, "Well, how do you know when your vacation starts, then?" I chuckle as I scribble my notes and murmur "Oh Rooooon!" like Mary Tyler Moore saying "Oh Roooob" on the old Dick Van Dyke Show. I love this big hairy bastard and I don't care who knows it anymore. I'd never be able to please him sexually, but that's just a hurdle we'd have to get over in our life together.

The housemates leave the old perv's house, and Ron and Traci are dancing down the street in a great mood. At the next house, a German woman answers, and I'm pretty sure it's the same German woman from last season who was rude to Feldman. It must be the same woman since it's the same Glen Campbell mansion, the same Glen Campbell neighborhood, and there can't be a whole slew of German bitches living on the same Glen Campbell street. Anyway, they try to deliver the brownies, and the lady says she "no likes celebrities" and closes the door on them. This leads Ice to have a verbally abusive breakdown for half a block. He's screaming obscenities and won't stop. Tammy's freaking out because she can't jam her fingers in her ears deep enough to drown out Ice's deranged shrieking. The rest of the cast is just as uncomfortable, but Ice doesn't even notice. The guy can throw more obscenities into a fifteen-second tirade than the entire soundtrack of Scarface.

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Surreal Life

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