Surreal Life
A Talk Show, Supper And A Goodbye

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Uncle Bob: B- | Grade It Now!
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Dirty Laundry

Ice is in the kitchen with Sally Jessy, telling her that Trishelle is a good girl and has only been "really, really drunk" two or three of the nights that they were in the house. Ice said she's just like any other twenty-year-old girl who happens to be an alcoholic and likes to mate with anything with a penis. Sally Jessy thinks Trishelle should have taken her role in this series a bit more seriously. After seeing Sally Jessy on this show, I have to wonder, how much does it cost these days to get your sense of humor surgically removed?

Upstairs, Trishelle is still packing, and says that while the producers are free to make her look like a raging alcoholic, they stepped over the line when they made her look like she fucked everyone in the house except Tammy Faye. She wants Ron to take her bags out of the house. Ron pretends to take them out but they're too heavy and he's not getting too far. Trishelle says that Sally Jessy is a stupid, ugly old bitch, and that she wants nothing more than to coldcock the wretched whore. Ice tells Trishelle that his friends would love her, and that she's cool because she's so anti-establishment. Well...and horny. He thinks that all the young people watching the show are going to side with Trishelle because she's cool, and she's the type of person they'd want to hang with because she's a slutty alcoholic. His pep talk doesn't really work as well as he'd hoped as she goes storming off away from him.

Ron gives Trishelle a massage to help calm her down as she tells her roommates it's nothing personal against them. Trishelle tells Tammy Faye that Sally Jessy really hurt her feelings, because the clips only showed her drunk. Tammy Faye insists that Trishelle came across as a little girl who was just having fun. And "fun" in her book just happens to include showing your panties to Andy Dick; that's all. Tammy Faye assures Trishelle that she's been called everything in the book except for a "Woman of God." I'd like to take this time to say that Tammy Faye Messner is a woman of God. So now she's officially been called everything in the book.

Sally Jessy tells Ice that she meant everything she said, and that she's not taking anything back. When did this woman get to be such a horrible bitch? She's basing her opinion of Trishelle on a thirty-second montage of clips that the producers put together for her. Drop the Hitlertude, Raphael, it makes your ass look fat.

Sally Jessy goes off to say goodbye to everyone in the house, and finds them all trying to console Trishelle. Trishelle says that she feels sorry for Sally Jessy, and that she needs to take lessons from Tammy Faye on being less judgmental and more open-minded toward drunken sluts. Sally Jessy says she's judgmental because that's her job. Correction: that was her job when she had a TV show back in the early '90s. Now she's an unemployed former talk-show host with a botched facelift. Sally Jessy asks Trishelle if she's working right now. Trishelle's confused, and says that her appearing on this show is not work, and that she's not an actress. Sally Jessy believes that the truth was painful to Trishelle. Trishelle says that Sally Jessy hurt her feelings and didn't even care. Trishelle doesn't trust anyone in show business now. I'm sure Steven Spielberg is crushed. She goes downstairs to call a cab. She's mad at everyone in the house, especially herself. She calls her ex-boyfriend to come get her, saying, "I have no idea what my address is, but you have to come get me." I guess she just expects the guy to hop in a car and start driving around Hollywood until he finds her. He asks why she's so pissed, and she blurts, "Sally Jessy Raphael just hurt my feelings!" Traci says that Trishelle's upset because her friends and family are now going to look at her as a slut, a drunk, and an alcoholic. Apparently they didn't get the hint when they saw her acting worse than this on The Real World. Erik tells her not to leave, and to stick it out for one more day. Trishelle says that Sally Jessy called her a slut, and Erik corrects her, saying that she said that Trishelle "appeared" to be a slut. There's a difference. You can't sue someone for saying you "appear" to be a slut on TV. And Sally Jessy didn't call her an alcoholic -- she said that it's time that Trishelle recognized that she has a drinking problem. Trishelle says she's not stupid, and that most people's interpretations of her will lean toward her being a drunken whore, because Sally Jessy insinuated as much. Sorry, Trishelle. You may be right, but you're still stupid. She doesn't think she deserved this kind of treatment, and that's something she's dead on about. Just a quick commentary on that whole talk-show thing from Uncle Bob: the producers were pretty shitty to do that to the cast. They had a lot of nice people on this show and the series was already entertaining enough without slapping them all in the face by parading their worst moments on the air so that they could be publicly humiliated over it. There. I'm tumbling off my soapbox now. Erik tells Trishelle that they've all come so far as a group because of this show, and that she cannot quit now. This is the pep talk she needed to hear, and she decides to stay. Trishelle says that Erik's wonderful, and that if he thinks highly of her, that's all that matters. Five bucks says she tries to bang him before the show ends.

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Surreal Life

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