Unidentified Black Males

Episode Report Card
Aaron: A+ | 1 USERS: A
Walk On The Wide Side

We open at Livia's house, where Tony and Diet Tony have run an immense string of extension cords out through a window so that they can watch baseball in the back yard on a crappy, non-cable-connected, nineteen-inch TV. Oy. That's just sad. Tony is sprawled out in a lawn chair, sporting knee-length shorts, a wife-beater, and a damp washcloth on his head. Looking snazzy! He also spurns Diet Tony's offer of the last "Super Nacho," because they've been sitting for too long and "the cheese is all sweaty." Yeah. So says the fat guy with the tank top and the wet washcloth on his head. Diet Tony tells a story about an unidentified "crazy Rasta fuck" he knew in jail who used to make grilled cheese using two sheets of paper and the radiator. Are we supposed to be impressed by that? Because in Oz they would have turned two sheets of paper and a radiator into fourteen shivs, an unguarded storage closet, and a papier-mâché dildo. When Diet Tony gets up to fetch another beer, Fat Tony can't help noticing the limp his cousin picked up last week. "What did you do to your foot?" he asks. "Gout," replies Diet Tony. Oh, wait. That's just me. Instead, he blames it on "a couple of black guys" who jumped him outside of a bar and did nothing but stomp on his toes a few times. "With half of them locked up making grilled cheese, you wouldn't think there'd be so many around to make trouble," cracks Tony, with an assist from Foreshadowing Uncle Irony. And then he refuses Diet Tony's offer of fresh-out- of-the-microwave Super Nachos because he has dinner in the city later that night. Hmm. Do you think "Super Nachos" should count as our first hint of gay foreshadowing?

Dinner in the city. It's Tony, AJ, Meadow, and Finn, and they're enjoying some light chit-chat about AJ's plans for summer school. Finn claims he did summer school once, which doesn't really surprise me, and Meadow snots that "Carmela" will probably have AJ locked down in his pod for a "maximum security summer." That doesn't surprise me either. Sigh. Shut up, Meadow. Finn excuses himself, and Tony warns his kids to cut their mother a break because "she's the one holding this family together during this current situation and all." Except for the part where she kicked him out of the house and filed for divorce, that is. Tony then calls for the check, but is told that Finn has already taken care of it. Uh oh. Even Meadow knows that was a bad idea. You'll note that she didn't warn her boyfriend, though. The kid returns to the table, saying, "I figured since you're always so generous I should reciprocate." "You're lucky you don't get your head handed to you," replies Tony. (I linked that one for you because the preview monkeys would have us all believe that the Pants pate will be making a return appearance next week.) He's way more pissed about Finn paying than seems reasonable, even for Tony, and he gets up in a huff and throws a wad of cash down on the table. AJ just shrugs like this happens pretty much happens every single time they go out, and follows his dad to the door. Heh. Meadow, however, is definitely her mother's daughter, and advises Finn to keep the money.

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