Road to Stardom
You Ain't Confident, You're Cocky

Episode Report Card
Potes: B+ | Grade It Now!
I'm Too Punk Rock For This

Previously on The Road to Stardom with Missy Elliot: Thousands auditioned! Thirteen were chosen to go on tour with Missy Elliot and compete for mad prizes! But life on tour is not a vacation, and a surprise performance challenge (with ensuing berating from the three judges) showed the contestants that you have to expect the unexpected and be on your game at all times. In the end, the stereotypes held true as Caucasian lady rapper Heather -- who really, really, really sucked -- got the long end of Missy's boot. And Potes and the twelve other people who watched this episode were really surprised at how much they liked it.

ARE YOU READY? For posterity, I'm going to transcribe the lyrics to the kind of awesome theme song to this show. The graphics look like they were done by my high-school AV Club, but the rocks. Except for that lyric that I can't really understand. I did my best, everyone.

You wanna be a superstar, you wanna travel far, you wanna get on the bus!
Better step your game up, get on the bus!
When the spotlight hits you, bet your face get flushed!
Thirteen people on the Road to Stardom, and they waitin' to start, they startin' from the bottom!
Better be a triple threat in best (?) effect, 'cause you'll never know the times that you best get set (?) or else...
Get on the bus! (Repeat many, many times)
ARE YOU READY? Get on the bus!

New York City! Where things move very quickly and Missy's rap underscores the action. And I am beginning to think that the soundtrack to my life might need a bit more Missy, and considerably less Cher. The contestants travel on their beat-up tour bus. Akil says that waking up and not seeing Heather made him think of his own mortality. So apparently, Heather's ouster was kind of like the tsunami, but on a much, much smaller scale. It was a tiny wave of suck. Deltrice says that Heather's elimination was a reminder to everyone to be on their game. And I still really think that Deltrice made a tactical error in not applying for Extreme Makeover. Frank B. is the one person who feels better after the elimination process, since he was on the block but got to stick around. He says that he's ready to prove himself in the rest of the competition. Matthew, who is in his bunk reading a book (that I bet $10 is The Holy Homosexual), says that life on the bus has been good, but the contestants never know what's coming next. Which is a perfect segue to...

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Road to Stardom




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