Real World
Zach Steps It Up

Episode Report Card
Stee: D | Grade It Now!
Pier 1 Suckports
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

Previously: Zach decided he wanted to be manager of the tanning salon. Svet got pissed. The kids voted Zach to be manager. Svet sulked. The Baby Jesus wept. A panda in a zoo in St. Louis yawned. A distant star imploded. A schoolteacher in Winnipeg ate dinner alone. Meg Ryan stood over the crib of her adopted child and wept, wondering if there wasn't an easier way to get back in the news.

Opening credits. Gay porn shots. Melanoma.

Key West. Island. Water. House. Zach shows Tyler the list of pointless and yet impossible goals he wrote out for the salon. Tyler, in one of his lesser Oscar Wilde quips, says that they're already struggling with goal #1 -- which we see is "Teamwork over individual effort." Tyler says he feels bad for Svet because her sulkitude displays her bad character. And because she's not as fabulous as he is!

Zach camera-fros that he wants to prove to everybody that he was a good choice to be manager, and that he deserves the position. You know what would have been good, B/M, MTV, et al? If we had any investment whatsoever in the kids doing a good job with this business. At all. Even a little. Moreover, if you're going to spend all this time talking about who is going to be "manager," give us context. Let us know what that means. Because for the last two weeks, I feel like I've been stuck in an endless business meeting and all I want to do is sneak out and go back to my cubicle and download some music and steal a printer and then have sex (rushed, sweaty, perfect) with the cute brunette from marketing in the empty IT room, up against the whirring servers, skirt hiked up over hips, Yoda bobblehead falling off an IT guy's desk, the marketing girl's marriage plans crumbling with every thrust--

Whew. Sorry. Where was I? Oh, right. Recapping The Real World. Joy.

FORD! The kids drive to work. Zach ask Svet to do something about the awnings at work, but Svet dead-faces that she doesn't have time -- just being a brat. She then camera-whores that she's going to do her job as "Chief Financial Whatever," but nothing more. John scolds her. She doesn't care. Even Svet's bratiness is ineffective, as she can't help but butt in when they discuss having music for the opening day; she says they have to have music. Zach camera-matzos that Svet is being very irritating.

Salon. Bossman Ricky Croft -- the man so inept at business that he supposedly invented Mystic Tan and yet could only wrangle himself Vice-President stripes -- rattles off a list of stuff they have yet to do. Zach goes silent when The Ricker asks him if they have their furniture shopping list ready. Uh...good job, Zach. You should give a managerial class at the Learning Annex. It doesn't pay well, but there are snacks! The kids argue a little about where to put their product racks. Zach waffles, and Svet camera-snakes that Zach is not a very good manager. She tells Zach that she needs to go to the bank and then yells at him when he asks if she's going for herself or for the business. John then camera-frats that they're heading to PIER 1! to buy furnishings, and that he's not going to go because he knows it's going to be a disaster. Hm, a guy not wanting to go to Pier 1? Who wouldn't want to go experience all its fine wicker stools and spray-painted knickknacks?

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