Real World
Who's Afraid of Heather B.?

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Who's Afraid of Heather B.?

Previously: Kevin and Julie have a Really. Big. Fight. They sort of make up by the end, but Julie states that she never wants to be left alone with Kevin ever again. The lofties then throw a party where some bitty asks for a cup, and she and Heather B. get into a little altercation. The bitty accuses Heather of assaulting her. Heather B. gets semi-arrested.

Can I say how happy this episode made me? Can I say how sublime it is when, every time Eric opens his mouth in this episode, Heather B. mows him down like he's a dry blade of grass? But I'm getting ahead of myself.

The lofties stand outside as Heather gets put into the back of a police car. She looks extremely tough. John Waters was right -- everyone does look better under house arrest. Heather B. and the female cop exchange information and, apparently, a rapport. The cops give Heather B. the name and number of the woman who accused Heather of assault, but as Heather tells us, "I never pressed charges because I found out the other woman never pressed charges against me." Cut to a close-up of the bitty fixing her make-up. Heather tells us that the bitty wanted Heather to apologize and pay for any damages, and Heather told her (the policewoman, I'm assuming) "So break out, and get out of my face, because I wasn't trying to hear her."

Cut to the lofties, post-Heather's arrest. She's telling them that she's been called a bitch plenty of times, but the bitty kicked her, too, and that's why she hit her. Damn. Do not fuck with Heather!

Next scene. Julie's lying on the bed as Heather wheels and deals. She's trying to make another record. Cut to Heather in the recording studio, rapping away. It sounds a little on the Sugar Hill tip. She cuts off abruptly in mid-song. Her producer says she sounded kind of fresh. Heather shrugs and says, "Oh yeah?" The producer sighs and says, "Today is not my day. Every day with Heather is not my day."

Heather tells us in her one-on-one that you need hungry people to work with you, people who haven't had too much success and are willing to work hard. Later we see Heather and Julie at the loft, and Heather is pretty despondent. She's telling Julie that no one at the company cares about her. Andre says, "I care!" and then jokes, "Maybe some day I'll be at a record company." Aw, that's nice!

God help us all. Andre's band Lamedance -- I mean Reigndance -- is making a video. Andre, his Kelly LeBrock-esque hair flowing, tells us that they're making a video for the song "Lazybones," which is about "being broke and not knowing what to do about it." Well, you could shut up about it. Just a thought.

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Real World

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