Real World
Welcome to Sin City: The Real World Guide to Vegas

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Welcome to Sin City: The Real World Guide to Vegas

When we return, suddenly Theo and CJP aren't wearing bathrobes anymore. I mean, they've changed into regular clothes. They aren't naked or anything. Thank God. Theo asks what Vegas would be without sex. Um, I think it would still be Vegas. Have you been there lately? Maybe there wouldn't be as many people on street corners passing out flyers. But everything's been pretty sanitized in the last few years. CJP asks what The Real World would be without sex. I'm guessing this won't be the season that we find out. ["Not to mention that CJP did her share to make sure we didn't find out last season, either." -- Wing Chun] Another few stilted line readings later, CJP introduces the next two roommates.

First up is Steven, a twenty-three-year-old from San Marcos, Texas. He is a cheeseball. He looks like the host of some syndicated late-night dating game show. Steven says that he's a topless bartender at a gay bar, but he's a heterosexual male. Keep telling yourself that, dude. I mean, if he is completely straight, it's nice that he's so open-minded. But he doesn't throw off a completely straight vibe. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Steven is divorced, because he got married too young, was an asshole, and slept around. Steven tells us how good-looking he is, and goofy, and happy all the time. He doesn't have a thought in his head, does he? His poor ex-wife.

Our next roommate is Trishelle, who has already been dubbed everything from Trashelle to Trash-Hell by our forum posters. But seriously. Trishelle? You can be Trish or you can be Elle, but you can't be both at the same time. Pick a name and go with it. Anyway, she's a twenty-two-year-old from somewhere in Louisiana. She reminds me of Krusta from Big Brother. In her audition tape, Trishelle tells us that her mother died when she was fourteen, and she "went crazy for a little while." Her dad got remarried six months after the funeral. Ouch! Trishelle wishes her father were more supportive, and that he would tell her that he's proud of her and wants her to be happy. She is screaming, "Love me, Daddy!" Trishelle has never been to Vegas, but she goes out with her friends six nights a week. She sells her plasma for beer money. Which is actually double the fun because you get money for the plasma, and then you get drunk faster because of the loss of blood. Not that I'm advocating drinking after giving blood. Trishelle likes to hang out with the band after the concert, and she toured with one band that she does not name. She was "kind of dating one of the guys in the band." "Dating"? Try "fucking." Trishelle says that she has a lot of boys in her apartment, and she likes the baseball team. As I've said last season with regards to CJP, I don't care if she wants to screw half the men in Vegas. But she so clearly has daddy issues and she's trying to resolve them by sleeping with a lot of guys in the hopes that one of them will love her like her daddy never did. And it's sad. Trishelle also likes women, and lately she's been more attracted to women than men. In other words, "Pay attention to me! Love me! My momma died and my daddy don't love me! Someone look at me and love me!" That's the vibe I get. CJP says that Trishelle is "kind of sweet in an 'I was an Incubus groupie' sort of way." Hello? Should CJP be ripping on other people for hooking up with people in bands? Theo wonders if Steven will be the pimp in the house. Theo has a problem with the finger quotes.

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