Real World
We Hate David

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Jessica: D | Grade It Now!
We Hate David

Tami shoots pool to the accompaniment of Robert Palmer's "Simply Irresistible," as David tells us all that he's physically attracted to her, but he's not going to "chase her around." We see Tami, in various mental states -- giving someone a dirty look, laughing hysterically, jumping on the bed -- as David leans into the camera and tells us that Tami "is very moody." Ya think? Tami plops down on her bed in a very low-cut shirt as David voice-overs that Tami "has a body from hell." That was a compliment, I think. Cut to the "Tami's Body" montage -- Tami in a mini-skirt, Tami in short shorts, Tami in her bikini. "Boo yeah!" David says. Um, okay, then.

Another montage -- this time, of Los Angeles at night -- as we are once again treated to the incomparable vocal acrobatics of said body from hell. It is, of course, "I'm a slave / I'm a slave / I'm a slave / to your lovin'." Tami tells us that the most important thing in her life right now is her band. She jams in the recording studio and she's not awful, but why is she on the wrong side of the glass? She's back there with the equipment. Tami? You need to be on the side with the microphones.

Anyway, back at the house, there's much horseplay between David and Tami. Tami says David is "hilarious." Beth pops in, saying that "David's a funny guy," as we see her curled up next to him all Jessica Wakefield-style in her striped pajamas, one hand tucked under her chin. She tilts her head down and gazes up at him in way she must think is, you know, coy, or something. She tosses her hair and tells David that she gives it "two weeks before [David and Tami] hop in bed." She giggles. David tells Beth that if he wanted to, he "could get some tonight." Beth is sure that he could. David says he won't, though, because he "likes masturbating." Peals of girlish laughter from Beth. She flings her hair across her shoulder again and bats her lashes. In an interview, David helpfully tells us that "every person in life has masturbated." In the confessional, Beth, tricked out in pearls and a silk blouse, says that if she masturbated, she would tell David. But she doesn't masturbate. David says he knows that Beth masturbates. David says he masturbates. David says he likes it. Oh, sweet God.

In the girl's room, Beth tells Irene that David and Tami have a pseudo-date for dinner that evening. Irene wonders wryly "what's for dessert?" The helpful editors at B/M productions cut to a "No Glove, No Love" mural. How very 1993.

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Real World




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