Real World
This House is HELLA Big!

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This House is HELLA Big!

A low-fi audition tape rolls on a chair in front of wood paneling. Cynthia -- a petite, cute black girl -- walks on and sits down. "Okeee-dokee!" she says. All-righty-rooney! This is like the casting special, only they didn't have those back in 1996 when this show originally aired. See, Bunim-Murray learned some things along the way, ha ha, not.

Joe, a Noo Yawker, sits in another chair for a videophone talk. He's wearing a suit and tie like this is a freaking job interview. That's one way to go, I guess. Another would be to press one's nose firmly in the ass region and start snuggling. Following in the Bunim-Murray tradition of pointing out the obvious, he says, "I'm talking to the camera." Maybe he's a narc.

Sarah -- an athletic, goofy blonde -- dances in baggy jeans and a T-shirt in her apartment and says to the camera, "Pretend like I have go-go boots on, and hot pants..." Go ahead, perverts, imagine away. Or you could just watch the Hawaii season and squint at the blurry parts.

Flora, the pesky Ruskie, gets a mic clipped on her shirt by somebody. "Like a professional," she rasps. She grabs it and says, "Hello," just like the professionals say.

Joe, all neat and tidy in his job interview outfit, says, "I've actually wanted to be on the show for a really long time." Pucker up and keep on sucking, baby, you're almost there.

Dan is very animated. It says "Rutgers University Student" on the screen as he screams, "Okay, what is this, what is this thing, on my head, that bounces around the whole time?!" It's only a cowlick, dude. Your own hair, okay? Relaaax.

Mike, the boring one, says to HIS camera, "Well, you wanted to know how I felt about The Real World and everything..."

Back to Cynthia! Take this as a cue to mean that from now on, what Mike thinks does not matter. Cynthia says, "I actually feel like I'm going to make it." Ooh, I wonder if she will!? The suspense kills.

Dan says, "If I get cut at this point I'll be disappointed." We really, really care, really.

Melissa says, "There has never been a Real World where they had their own business." And after the failure of this season, never again! ["Whoops, is that a spoiler? Ha, as if." -- Wing Chun]

Mike goes, "Being a restaurant manager, I'm going to have my own ideas about how things should be run." We're sure you have ideas on how napkins should be folded, can't wait to hear the rest.

Sarah tells the camera, "I just wanna go to Florida and get a tan. That's the only reason I wanna be on The Real World. That's it! I don't even wanna be on the lousy show, I just want to get a tan." I love Sarah.

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Real World

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