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The South Rises Again

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The South Rises Again

And now it's time for the Most Awesome Thing I Saw On TV Last Week. The most awesome thing I saw on TV last week was an episode of True Life called "I'm Getting Divorced." It featured two young women. One woman's parents were getting divorced, which was boring, so if you record it, just skip those sections. The awesome part was the story of Jennifer, who married Jason on Valentine's Day 2003. At first, it seems kind of normal, right? People get married too young and then realize they've made a huge mistake. Your first clue that something is horribly wrong is when Jennifer shows you pictures of their matching tattoos. Then Jennifer says, "I saw that he loved me and I totally overlooked that [the music cuts out] he was an ex-crack addict." Hee! I mean, it's sad that he's a crackhead and all, and I felt bad for, like, a minute, and then I realized that they agreed to have their stories told on national television, and throughout the episode, you can tell that they are totally playing to the cameras, so then I didn't feel bad anymore. But wait. It gets better. A month into their relationship, Jason was arrested and went to jail for five months. Then, a week after he got out, they got married. So they were together for six months before getting married, but five of those, Jason was in jail. So after their marriage, they moved in together, and Jennifer didn't know that the whole time, he was still using crack. She didn't know? Girl, please. So, she moved back home. And Jason called her a lot and Jennifer pretended she hated it, but you could tell by the look on her face that she secretly kind of liked it. But this is the most awesome part. Jennifer says that there are a lot of reasons why she wanted the divorce. She continues, "But the number one reason I was being so pushy about getting my divorce ASAP [pronounced A-SAP] is because I need my freedom. I need my freedom to do what I was put on this earth for, and that is...to rap." AWESOME! Turns out Jennifer (or if you want to call her by her rap name, Slim JG) is recording an album. And she is so completely terrible. She sounds like she's reading her lyrics from a sheet of paper (because she is) and she has no rhythm and...she's just awful. And she has a tattoo that says Slim JG. So Slim JG is sure that she's going to make a ton of money off this album and she doesn't want Jason to get any of it, so they need to get a divorce. Which is about when I started to wonder if Jason was the only crack-smoker in the relationship. And so much more happened, so all I can tell you is that you must catch this episode. You just have to. It is awesome.

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