Real World
The Question and Answer Game

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Jessica: B- | Grade It Now!
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Group Bonding is Stupid

Jon and Beth sprawl on Jon's bed and conspiratorially hiss to one another how sick and tired they are of having all these stupid people in their home. Beth flips her hair. Jon flips his mullet. Downstairs, Tami comes home from...wherever, to find Perch, sitting around the kitchen table. They serenade her. She grimaces. In the confessional, Tami purses her lips. "Glenn has been driving my black ass crazy," she says dryly. Over the last few episodes, I've found myself slowly falling in love with Tami. She just cracks my shit up. I've traditionally been a big fan, myself, of making everyone else happy -- sometimes to my own detriment -- so I find her frankness rather refreshing. Although, I have to admit, since my birthday a few weeks ago, I've been way bitchier. All of a sudden, I'm saying things I used to just think to myself. For example, this guy blatantly stole my parking space the other day, and before I knew it, I told him, rather loudly, what an asshole he was. Previously, I would just have muttered curses under my breath. Perhaps the aging process is turning me into Tami.

Glenn brats in an interview that no one ever said anything to his face about Perch. That's because the new me isn't living with them. The new me would have gotten all up in his grill and told him that if he didn't get his craptastic grunge band out of my house, I would hot-glue-gun his slacker ass to his face. Beth sighs in her interview and explains that she didn't want to start trouble with Glenn and the band, but....

Tami's confessional. She raises a brow. "[Glenn] thinks it's cute. It is not. And I'm pissed," she says, succinctly. Go Tami! Go kick his ass! Let's cut the talking and get some action going, here.

Moments later (or, knowing Real World editing practices, months previously), Perch's trombonist (that's not very grunge, dude) practices his instrument in the confessional. He practices in the closet. He practices in the bathroom. He practices while people are trying to sleep. "It's gonna blow up here, soon," Jon thinks. I pray to God the blowing up starts soon.

And it does. The roommates decide to hold a house meeting, in which Glenn gets all up on his high horse and announces that the big problem with this house is that no one ever talks to anyone about anything. He acts like such a jackass in this segment, it's almost unbelievable. I can't believe this little meeting didn't turn into a brawl, because he's being a huge dicksmack, and, God knows, the rest of the roommates are certainly unstable enough to give in to the urge to pummel him. "Nothing anybody says in this house is relevant," Glenn brats. "Stupid Jon comes in, he starts smiling," he spits. Yeah, that's awful. Smiling! How dare he? Why don't you just take him out back and shoot him? Glenn whines that he was excited about coming out to live in the house because he really thought they were all going to get to learn about each other and bond, and it was going to be all sociologically satisfying and shit. "But we're all too busy with ourselves," he spits. Dear Glenn: Maybe no one wants to bond with you because you're a complete tool. Think about it. Love, Jessica. This everyone-is-too-self-involved diatribe of Glenn's pushes Tami over the edge, and she really lets him have it. I wish I could tell you what she said, but her mouth is wired shut and it just sounds like gibberish. Nevertheless, the MTV censors bleep out about a third of her words, so I assume she's calling him names. And more power to her. At this point, Aaron jumps in and tries to mediate, but fails, because Glenn is still bitching that everyone else in the house is so "fucking boring." Beth tries to say something about this, but Glenn waves his finger in her face, metaphorically speaking. "I'm not going to listen to you," he shouts. "I'm not done talking yet." Wow. Well, that's the perfect attitude, coming from a man who, no less than four minutes ago, was whining that no one in the house wanted to learn about anyone else. "Now, I'm done," he says, and laughs angrily. The other roommates haul themselves off the sofa, armchair, and floor, and give Glenn dirty looks as they stalk out of the room.

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