Real World
The One Where Something Actually Happens

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The One Where Something Actually Happens

Hi, everyone! Welcome back to my Real World recaps, a job I can get back to now that my other MBTV duties are on hiatus for the summer. Shout-out to my new doctor, who'll be prescribing me the drugs necessary to keep me awake for the non-activities of the London cast. Not everyone can get a prescription for pharmaceutical-grade cocaine, but when I told Dr. Rabinowitz that I had to recap the London season of The Real World, he whipped his pen out right then and there.

Attention Deficit Syndrome Manor. The gang is doing dishes in the kitchen and wondering where Jay is -- something I've been doing since the third episode. Kat responds that Jay is at the Theater. Mike calls Jay the "theater ma-a-a-an." Mike, since your house nickname could have been "Cream on a Cracker," "Ugly Lazy Retard Virgin," or "Spooge Hair" -- if I'd lived in that house, anyway -- maybe you shouldn't be quite so enthusiastic about nicknames.

Judging by the b-roll of London's theater district they're showing us, Jay is indeed at the theater. And furthermore, he obviously feels the need to explain in a voice-over why he's at the theater alone: it's so he can evaluate, as a writer, the plays he sees. Hey, Jay? We've met your housemates. If you want to get out of that house, no explanations are necessary. None.

While they lie in bed, Jay pours his heart out to Mike. He's got writer's block. His first play was easy to write because he didn't know anything. They show a clip from Jay's first national-award-winning play. Jay -- looking even younger than he does now -- is delivering a monologue about how his bed hasn't seen much more than "a one-man show." Everyone in the Oregon audience guffaws at this "bawdy" humor. I go shower with anti-bacterial soap. Then, to add to the embarrassment of Jay's not being able to write, it appears that Mike has fallen asleep while Jay is trying to talk to him. Dude, you want to be a playwright and you put Mike to sleep? That is not promising. Learn some storytelling skills.

"Playwrights and musicians, they don't have to get up at 9:00 in the morning or go punch a clock or whatever," Jay voice-overs while wandering around the house in the middle of the night, raiding the fridge and playing pool. Yeah, Jay -- writers stay up late because they have bartending or waitering jobs, or they're writing. You're not doing any of that, so shut up. The other housemates are concerned. While Jay sleeps on the couch, Jacinda and Lars discuss Jay's complete lack of initiative. Jacinda, in an interview, goes on to explain that if Jay wrote and produced a play back home, he should be able to do the same thing here. Hey, Jacinda? If you could go out on "cah-stings" in Paris, you should be able to do the same thing here. Or do you have model's block?

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Real World

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