Real World
The Asparagus Is Not Cooked

Episode Report Card
Pamie: F | Grade It Now!
Nothing Happens

Puck wears goggles and reads a Bible. Cory walks up wearing a sweater, black shorts, and black pantyhose. Remember when that was okay to wear? I remember my mom going, "You can't leave the house in that." I thought she was so lame. Now I know she was just trying to save me some embarrassment, because watching these old episodes of Real World show me just how clueless we were about fashion in the early Nineties. That's why grunge happened so easily. We were ready just to give up and start wearing pajamas to work. Just keep flannel on all day long and layer it up so we'd never have to try again. Some little kid watches the street activity from his giant picture window in his overpriced apartment. Cory and Puck hug. They flip through the pictures. Puck laughs at Judd in drag. Cory tells Puck he can take any picture he wants because she's just going to make some more. Puck says he'll take a picture of Rachel since she's such a "jerk." Cory says that so much had changed between her and Puck. Like, in these past five days during which she's spent every minute whining and making excuses and he's been bitching at her. Yeah, I can see the difference from here. Puck puts his arm up in the middle of traffic to stop cars so they can walk. Asshole.

Puck and Cory sit with coffee on the curb and Puck asks Cory what it's like to be in the dirt. He says that it wasn't so fun for him about a week ago. Cory's all warbly and pouty and whiny again. Puck tells Cory to tell Rachel to "kiss [his] butt." Cory says she feels "helpless and weak" when she's with Puck. Puck starts bitching Cory out again for not standing up for him when they were kicking him out. Because he's done talking about it, remember? I'm just going to transcribe this conversation because it makes absolutely no sense the way they've edited it, and they just assume that I won't mind. But listen to this bullshit. Puck: "You were my friend, Cory. Could have stopped it. Could have put the brakes on and said, 'Oh, wait. I'm an adult. I'm gonna think. Let's not be harsh and just feeding-frenzy on Puck while he's gone.' And don't even get into what my mom dealt with. Oh. It's just awful for her, man." Cory: "I'm just stuck. Stuck, stuck, stuck, stuck, stuck, stuck." Puck: "You know, you guys played the cops on me, man. That really hurt my feelings." Cory: "There are so many people in the house that have been hurt by you, too." Puck: "You just have to get the funny in me or not. And, you know what? I prayed to God on the side of that house, that little altar that I made? I prayed to God to give me my life back. I want my life simpler. Four days after that I'm out of the house. So you figure it out. Is God right there with me, or maybe not?" Cory: "Puck! I miss you!" Cory collapses into Puck's arms. What the fuck was all of that? I ask you. The kid in the picture window, just like me, turns his back and goes back to his meaningful life of animal crackers and titty-sucking.

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Real World




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