Real World
She Puts The "Rachel" In "Cocktease"

Episode Report Card
Stee: C- | Grade It Now!
Be All The Pussboy That You Can Be

Now here come Rachel, Johanna, and Lacey (Lacey?! -- I don't think I've ever seen her outside that phone room) strutting down the street all wearing cowboy boots. Inside, Rachel asks Erik if he's having fun, and if the boys are trying to hook him up. Rachel camera-talks that of course she's going to be upset if she has to watch Erik hook up with other girls. Then, you know, leave! Erik tells her that it's his "game," and then he's with Wes as Wes tries to do some Wingman action, talking about the fake producer gig. Rachel can't shut up -- she's been hanging around Lacey too long, clearly -- and butts in again to tell us that she's scared of losing Erik and doesn't want this "break" to separate them forever. Rachel leaves, and one of the groupies says of her, "I like her cowboy boots." Hee.

Now Wes camera-fibs that by the end of the night, two girls (and they seem to indicate the two, who are going to be hella pissed when they discover B/M have been pouring editing lies all over them) were offering to take Erik home but he declined, saying, "I love Rachel. I'm going home." We see him running up the stairs of the warehouse. Pussy.

Day. River. Boat. Warehouse. Sully calls, telling Danny's broken skull that the warrant is out and that they're putting out a photo, and hopefully the perp will be picked up that very night. Danny thanks Sully and hangs up, and then immediately camera-talks, trying again to justify his ratting to the cops. He paints himself into a verbal corner, saying that it's not revenge, but rather...trying to get back what he lost. Which is a lot. Uh-huh. Sure.

Kitchen. Danny, looking proud, tells Wes that the "kid" is facing anywhere from five to twenty years in prison or up to five hundred thousand dollars in fines. Wow. Mel hopes he gets "both." Dude. Wasn't it just a bar fight? That's a lot of years for cold-cocking someone in the head a little too hard and caving in his skull. I mean, who hasn't done that?

Rachel and Erik have a disgustingly schmoopy goodbye, as Reese runs around, probably shitting on things. Like, hopefully, the sleeping Wes. Rachel asks if he had fun, and Erik lies that he did. He hugs Mel. Mel camera-hos that Erik clearly wants to spend his life with Rachel, and that it's "heartbreaking" that Rachel doesn't and that she still needs to decide what to do.

Outside, Erik gets into the cab and he and Rachel say they love each other and he takes Reese and says he'll see her in two months.

Rachel now camera-justifies, saying she thinks Erik left hurt and disappointed, but that he's "got to understand" that it's better to tell the truth now than to get married and be in an "unsure" situation. We see her cooking matzo ball soup for herself as she goes on to say that she's sad, but that she thinks she needs to get "rid of" her party-girl side so she can embrace her "housewife, grownup" side. Ew. Wes laughs at Rachel for eating matzo ball soup "again." She responds that she's sad Erik left and she needs "to eat some comfort food and a gossip magazine." She really shouldn't eat a magazine. Too many poison inks. Wes laughs. Suddenly, Wes starts all creepily whispering and asks, "Did you ever have sex with him?" busting her for saying she was going to have "a lot" of sex with Erik before he came out. She babbles that she thinks it would have just made things harder, and as Johanna arrives in the kitchen, Wes asks if Rachel wants him to get all "Dr. Phil" on her ass. Wes then camera-talks that Rachel doesn't know what she wants, and that he thinks she needs to be in a relationship -- that she's no good at being single. Wes tells Rachel, "You just suck at life." Ha. Who knew Wes was funny? What if we've had him wrong all along?

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