Real World
She Puts The "Rachel" In "Cocktease"

Episode Report Card
Stee: C- | Grade It Now!
Be All The Pussboy That You Can Be

Random shots of a dog show for no reason. Now we get a The Osbournes rip-off sequence (replete with "goofy" music and, no shit, fart noises), following Reese on his adventures around the house. Reese shits on the rug in the bathroom. Mel almost steps in it. Why? Why do people have dogs they don't train and just let shit around the house? It's all small dogs that do this! I'm not lying. I know many people with tiny dogs and they all shit all over the place. Man. Tiny dogs. Not real dogs, man. Mel tells Rachel to clean up the shit. Rachel cleans up the shit. Danny tells the dog to poop in the toilet -- that if Wes can do it, he can do it, too. Ha. Danny holds the dog over the toilet and says, "You. Poop in the-hr."

Day. Street. Siren. Police HQ. Mel and Danny arrive. Mel says she's glad he's doing this. He says he's not, and that it's the last thing he wants to do.

Danny camera-talks that he's meeting with Sully about the case. Yes, again, we were indeed watching the show and understand the basic plotline. Thanks. A cop has Mel and Danny wait, and while they sit, they discuss Erik leaving tomorrow. Mel says that she'd be pissed if she came all the way from New York and didn't get "any ass."

Sully comes out. His face is blurred. Poor guy. He should see Danny's plastic surgeon about that. Danny explains to us that Sully has to hear the details and watch the tape, deem it assault, and then present it to a judge, who has to issue a warrant to arrest the kid. Thanks for explaining that, Danny. But we've seen Law & Order.

Night. Lights. Austin. Austin. Capital. Warehouse. Upstairs, Lacey sits with Erik. It looks as if Lacey is reading a book called Guide To Dating In Austin. The only thing Lacey needs to date successfully is to find a guy with no mouth who loves listening to endless babbling. Erik is consulting Lacey for an outside opinion on his situation with Rachel. Ooh, bad idea. Lacey immediately talks about how she thinks Erik's getting the short end of the stick, and that she would "never do that" to her boyfriend. Erik agrees, of course, saying that he's basically on standby.

Meanwhile, down at the bottom of the stairs, Rachel stands, listening in. Ha. Rachel tells us she was listening and heard Lacey's voice talking shit.

Lacey is talking shit with her sour, sharp face. (And wearing a Halifax sweatshirt! The sweatshirt of a band she hates!) She babbles about a wedding photo album and Rachel making out with some guy, but then running home and talking about her boyfriend and how much she loves him. "That grosses me out!" Lacey says. She continues talking, saying nothing really wrong but getting way too into it about Rachel leaving Erik hanging and how can she not be sure if she loves someone or not and how unfair it all is. "Right" is all Erik says, because Lacey doesn't fucking stop talking ever.

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Real World




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