Real World
She Puts The "Rachel" In "Cocktease"

Episode Report Card
Stee: C- | Grade It Now!
Be All The Pussboy That You Can Be

Bedroom. Erik and Rachel get into bed, the horrible dog jumping and bouncing all over them. Erik kisses her, and she pulls away and says she doesn't want to have sex, making a sour face. Wow. Erik asks if she wants to kiss him, and she continues the sour face, and he asks what's wrong, and she whines that she wants to get used to him again. "What's wrong, babe? I haven't seen you in so long." I'll tell you what's wrong. He's allowed himself to get pussified in his woman's eyes (carrying around purse dog like he's Paris Hilton? Are you kidding me?), and therefore she's no longer attracted to him. She then camera-talks to us that very same thing -- that she's confused, and that there's not that "chemistry" there anymore, and that she feels like Erik's her brother. She asks if he can just hold her and take a nap with her, and he says, "Of course." Wrong. The correct answer is, "Fuck you and your drippy-eyed dog. I'm going to go fuck that slutty blonde in the next room and then go drink at some bars with Wes." Commercials.

Night. Warehouse. Rachel sleeps. Erik gets up and plays foosball with Wes. Eh, it's a start. Wes camera-pales to us that Erik flew across the country to visit Rachel, and that she's being very stand-offish. They chat, Wes asking if Erik misses being in the Army. Erik feels that, in the Army, the "comm-a-dery is off the hook," and that you can't find stuff like that at college. "Ah, for sure," agrees Wes. Wes goes on to say that Erik strikes him as a stereotypical Army guy, very nice and always there to help, and that Wes likes him. Erik reveals that he and Rachel trusted each other with their lives and were on a machine-gunning team. Wes goes on to say that he knew he'd like Erik because "he's never met one man in the military [he hasn't] liked." Well then! They head off to a bar.

Night. Austin. Oh, Rachel's up. The crew all heads out to the crap bar they always go to. Danny is drunk and wearing his dope felt hat and tells Erik that he dated a girl for five years and a girl for two and a half years. He winds up by pointing at Mel and saying, "I will end up marrying that girl right there. I will marry that girl." But that could just be the shards in his brain talking. So then Erik gets inspired by that and drunkenly tells Rachel he's not the only sappy emotional one talking about marriage...and Rachel quickly says, "I know, babe. We'll talk about it later." "Fine," says Erik. Rachel pouts and asks, "Do you hate me now?" Again, the answer is, "Yes, suckbag." But instead Erik answers, "No." Rachel then says, "Cuz I don't want to have sex with you, you hate me?" Rachel then camera-lies that she thinks having sex with Erik would make her want to be with him, and that she doesn't want that to influence her "ultimate" decision. They kiss chastely and agree to talk about it tomorrow.

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Real World




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