Real World
She Puts The "Rachel" In "Cocktease"

Episode Report Card
Stee: C- | Grade It Now!
Be All The Pussboy That You Can Be

Austin. Pigeons. Rain. A tree. Rachel gets into a cab to the airport. She tells us she's a little nervous, because she and Erik have never been apart this long, and she knows Erik wants the "break" they're on to be over, but she's not sure how she's going to feel when she sees him. For someone so unsure of her relationship, she sure has enough certainty (or complete lack of taste and fashion sense) to wear a tank top that reads "I [heart] Erik."

Airport. Rachel waits. Erik descends, carrying the worst little dog I've ever seen. He's wearing a sweater! The dog, not Erik. They kiss very unconvincingly. Erik, not the dog. Uh-oh. Something tells me the break will go on. Just like Celine Dion's heart. Unfortunately.

Warehouse. Lacey talks to her squeeish boyfriend Ryan, as usual, on the phone. She bitches about Rachel being on a break with Erik while he is still putting money in a separate bank account to save up for the ring he's going to buy her someday. Erik really should save up to buy his balls back. Lacey can't believe Erik would do that while he and Rachel are on a break. Lacey then camera-sours about breaks being disrespectful. By way of empathizing with Erik, she adds, "If I'm not good enough now, I won't be good enough later." Right and right, Ms. Gabsalot. You're not and you won't be. Do you think Ryan ever just puts down the phone, rolls to the kitchen to fix himself something to eat, getting a glass down from the short cabinet for some milk, and then rolls back, picks up the phone to hear Lacey still talking, having not noticed he was gone? I bet he does, too. She continues to bitch about Rachel, saying that she and Erik don't "talk" about things much; she doubts Rachel loves him. Well, she's right on that account. Lacey says she's not sure she can even meet this guy. Ha, and, bitch!

Outside. They pull up in the cab. "Are you ready?" Rachel asks Erik.

Rachel introduces Erik (and horrible, hideous Reese) to Neh and Danny and Mel. Danny picks Reese up and asks if he can swim. They reveal he's never tried, and they decide to put him in the pool. Mel suggests putting him in the hot tub, but unfortunately no one listens to her. Shoot. They put him in the pool. He swims and then runs around the house barking and shaking, excited. Or dying of hypothermia.

Night. Warehouse. The dog is still shaking. Hee. Rachel and Erik head to bed, Rachel continually referring to and talking to the dog. God, how do you get into a relationship like that with someone like that?

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Real World




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