Real World
Raging Bullshit

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Manimal: D | Grade It Now!
Raging Bullshit

Heather and Eric enter. Heather's singing. Julie's right behind them. Kevin's sprawled on the counter. Norman says, in very melodramatic Dynasty fashion, "Julie. I really need to know what happened." Someone slap Norman; he's clutching his pearls so tightly he's going to snap the clasp. Julie says, "What?!" And Norman says, "Where did Krystle put the will?" Ooops. Sorry. He says, "I need to know exactly what happened." Julie asks, "What do you need to know?" Norman says that he just accused Kevin of spitting at her and throwing a candlestick at her. Julie says calmly, "He spit at me and threw this candlestick at me." Kevin, with this horrible, smarmy smirk on his face says, "You're buggin'." Julie is totally astonished and says, "You didn't throw this candlestick at me and spit at me in the face?" Kevin says, "You're lying." Kevin superciliously punctuates every statement he makes with her name, like a Satanic car salesman: "I have no idea, Julie. Why don't you tell us, Julie." I cannot communicate the smug superiority and condescension that coat his every word. Oh wait. Yes I can. It's exactly like Oliver North during the Iran-Contra trials, and suddenly I am having this awful '80s flashback involving Oliver Stone, shoulder pads, and crimping irons.

Dead silence. Julie asks how the candlestick ended up on the floor, and Kevin, arms thrown wide, says, "When I left the apartment, it may have fallen down, Julie." Kevin then asks her, "How'd it start, Julie?" Julie says that she sat down and picked up the phone and said, "Who's on the phone?" Kevin shakes his head and says, "That's not what you said." Julie says challengingly, "What'd I say?" Kevin then goes to the Second Face of Eve and says, "'The call ain't important.'" In one split-second -- man, is his timing impressive! -- he switches to the Third Face of Eve and says, "A call like that, and you cursed!"

Norman interrupts and says, "You said she said 'fuck you.'" Apparently, once above the stairs and once below. Julie says, "Yeah I said it!" She turns to Kevin and says, "And you didn't say 'suck my dick' to me?" Kevin shifts gears into Avuncularity faster than a speeding bullet, and tells her that he tried to explain he was on the phone with a prospective employer. Julie looks like she's going to explode with protests, but Kevin overrides her and yells that she didn't even apologize. Julie says no way was she going to apologize, and Norman -- easy Bette Davis, no Oscars being awarded here -- does his best ABC After School Special impression, and tells Kevin that spitting is Never Excusable.

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Real World




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