Real World
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Meet The New Cast. Same As The Old Cast.

In a taxi, Paula starts freaking out and mumbling. Meanwhile, John is complimenting Svet's beauty and Paula can't stand it and says, "I'm pained to listen to you run your mouth." They start going at it back and forth with lame comebacks and she insults his penis size and he claims it's really big and I can't believe I have to write this stuff down. Then John insults Paula's breast size and Tyler camera-snaps that "you don't talk about an anorexic girl's breast size." And true enough, Paula starts losing it, rubbing her face and turning red and gasping for breath and hyperventilating. They lead her out of the car and she leans over in the street. Jose and Zach wonder what's going on, having noticed that she didn't drink very much -- that it's about "control" and about something that happened to her that they don't know about yet. "She scared," says Zach. The girls try to calm Paula down, wondering if John reminds her of someone in her past. I love their gentle attempts at psychological insight. Very nice. Janelle camera-boobs that Paula is like a wet puppy and that you just want to "do something" with it. Yeah, kick it off the show and put it on Intervention. Svet picks Paula up and puts her back in the cab. John voice-overs that he's confused and upset because he thinks he caused this and doesn't know if the roommates are mad at him. He actually looks like he's about to cry. Aw.

The kids get back to the house and Tyler camera-talks, saying something very profound: "When you give a girl that hungry, beer...it's going to end in tears." True dat. On the deck, Janelle talks with Paula, who says she doesn't like boys. She says that men irritate her...but clearly something else is going on. Janelle camera-silicones that she hopes whatever is going on comes out soon, because otherwise she thinks Paula is going to go home. See, I don't understand what all the Janelle hate is about; she seems quite nice and caring. Especially considering I would have left Paula crying in the street.

John apologizes to Zach? Uh, for making Paula cry? They hope it won't happen again, that she won't ever freak out like that, but they doubt it. "Sign of things yet to come," John laughs. Some crap song plays while Paula sleeps on the couch. Credits.

This season on. Bars. Dancing. They ride on Jet Skis. Tyler drinks to "the soon-to-be-ex-boyfriend," Martin. Someone jumps in the water. Tyler gets down with someone in the hot tub. Paula says that with six other people always in the house, you can't hide from anyone. The kids will be working at a tanning place. Svet is mad that she's not picked as the manager. Jose and Janelle fight. Tyler and Paula fight. Paula cries. She needs help. The hurricane hits. My TiVo runs out. Yes! Well, that's it. See you next week when there's, like, thankfully, half as much of it.

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Real World

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