Real World

Episode Report Card
Stee: C- | Grade It Now!
Meet The New Cast. Same As The Old Cast.

While it's starting to storm outside, Svet and Paula babble about body image. Paula's ex used to love her extra pounds, but she hated them. Svet jokes that she thinks Paula has a skewed body image. Oh, wait. She's not joking. Ha. She's actually giving advice about that. Wow. They both babble and a foghorn sounds over and over and the cameramen close in on the girls' totally flat stomachs as they blab about being overweight. Very nicely done, boys and girls.

The kids sit on the deck as lightning strikes over the water. They ask what Zach's parents do; they own a jewelry business. They joke that no wonder Svet is all over him. Zach says that in any other scenario he'd walk away from her, because she's so obnoxious...but he's attracted to her and wants to see her naked. Zach says that with Svetlana 's boyfriend, he's not going to get involved. Good idea, or else you'd end up poured under some concrete in Little Odessa. More lightning. The kids are laughing.

Raining. The kids play pool with their awesome clear balls. Svet shoots a bitchface at no one. John jokes that it's a bummer that Svet has a boyfriend, and says they don't want to meet him. Jose babbles some crap to her about how she talks about Martin too much and that he's back home and that this is her time to explore life. Nice try. Paula laughs. Svet says that, during the day, she doesn't miss Martin. She then says that if John had a girlfriend back home, Svetlana would be trying to chip away at him, too. John says that he should have made up a fake girlfriend. Paula -- eating nuts so that she can get enough blood to her brain for once -- comes up with a fast joke, saying that John does have a fake girlfriend, and that she's floating in the pool right now, deflated. Cut to a shot of his blow-up doll in the pool. Heh, sorta.

More hanging around. John and Svet go to take a nap on the couch together. Meanwhile, Paula and Jose wonder about John and Svet. Jose thinks, "He's in there." Paula thinks he's going to try but get shot down. Meanwhile, Svet and John talk and laugh on the couch. My cable goes out until we fade to commercials. I check the other TiVo and the same thing happened on both. Sweet.

Back. Night. Moon. Taxi. Out on the town. Duval Street again. Babbling. Ricks Bar. The kids go to a lame dance club like they do every other year. Bad dancing. Bad dancing on sparse dance floor. Svet's shirt strap breaks and John fixes it. Svet camera-talks that she has "respect" for John's body. Heh. They bite each other as she continues to talk to us, camera-slutting that John's really funny and that they have a really good time together. The kids do Jell-o shots. Paula camera-thins that she doesn't really like John, but meanwhile John licks Jell-o off her fingers. Svet watches and gets mad. More dancing. My cable goes out again. Sweet silence. Sadly, it's only about fifteen seconds. When we return, they're still at the bar and Paula is upset and leaving and John is voice-overing that maybe Paula is acting "this way" because she likes him and he's not showing her the attention she wants. Outside, Paula is upset and decides she hates it there and she's on the verge of tears. She camera-waifs that she doesn't even know why she's upset. I do. Because you haven't consumed anything nutritious in weeks.

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Real World




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