Real World

Episode Report Card
Stee: C- | Grade It Now!
Meet The New Cast. Same As The Old Cast.

Janelle -- who looks about forty from some angles -- tells us she knows there'll be some clashing, because she has a strong personality and can be "intimidating." Well, I would have said "annoying," but tomato, tomahto. John pulls up in a golf cart outside some hotel, and Janelle giggles like a moron. They hug. They talk and realize that they're both single. She hopes there are only three girls in the house, because things can get "catty."

Paula tells us that she's not looking to establish "relationships" because she has a hard time "trusting" people. Jose picks her up. She camera-talks that people think she's a bimbo, but that, deep down, she's a "dork." She's single, we learn. (No kidding!) Jose just got out of a five-year relationship. His super-manicured eyebrows tell us that this ex-girlfriend was a pushover and gave him everything he wanted until he didn't want it anymore. He wants a girl who's going to make him "work" and keep him on his toes. I think that, with any girl, he'd be the one on his toes. You know, because he's short! Hello? Hel-lo?

Zach's hair waits on a pier somewhere. John and Janelle walk up. "'Sup, man," says John, and then he says "bro." (When are we going to be done with "bro"? It's bad enough that other people say it, but I've found myself using it occasionally lately. It's got to stop. No, I'm serious.) Janelle camera-talks that Zach is scraggly and doesn't "care." Neither do I. They talk about the hurricane, and Zach tells the hyper John to "stop talking." Hee. He camera-fros that if everyone is as high-energy as John and Janelle, it's going to be a crazy house. John's back is sweaty. They head off to find grub.

Bar. John, Janelle, and Zach toast to "the bitch Katrina," going on to call perhaps the most destructive national disaster to hit America perhaps ever a "slut."

Tyler and Svet discover that they're about to take a tiny airplane to the house. Svet bitches about how tiny the plane is, and freaks out when Tyler mentions the possibility of a plane crash. She brats that she doesn't want to get on the airplane; she asks the pilot if there is a bathroom on it in case her bowels lose control. While she's asking, she's holding a roll of toilet paper, which leads me to believe it's not a joke, but a serious poo query. Speaking of poo: commercials!

Ooh, in between the usual and Noxema ads, MTV trots out the cast to do a somber "Give Money To Katrina Victims" spot. Way to make a preemptive strike, just in case God doesn't take too kindly to reality shows using tragedy to lure eyeballs. I can't wait for someone to make a compilation DVD of Reality Shows Dealing With National Tragedies. "They cry for, titties!"

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Real World




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