Real World
Poo Island

Episode Report Card
Alex Richmond: C+ | Grade It Now!
Poo Island

Some guitar noodling and the sound of a phone dialing open this episode. Flora intones that she "has to give these people an answer" as to whether she's going on "this trip" or not, and then Melissa dramatically whines that she caaaan't goooo, because it's her broooother's graduaaaaation! Flora quickly says that if Melissa's not going, she isn't going. This is a kernel -- a nugget -- of what was wrong with the Miami cast: an unwillingness to participate. A fear of discovering something new. An extreme uptightedness. That, and the fact that Flora is a total bitch. In an interview, Sarah intones that Flora stayed home because she thought "it was cool" that Melissa stayed home; Cynthia calls the two princesses "party poopers." Then Melissa tells whomever she's talking to on the phone, "It's not like I'm crying over it; it's not something I would have enjoyed anyway." Oh, how ungrateful. Shut up, Melissa.

A van rolls up with "Miami Nice" painted on its exterior. Heh. We get a quick montage of the other roomies packing and getting ready to go on, we can assume, the free trip that MTV sends all of its Real World cast members on. Dan says that they have no idea where they're going, but that they each have "a bag of clothes and a passport." Where's the excitement? The hooting and hollering? Are we, at year five, already so jaded about getting free trips? Were I in Miami, I would so be rooting for a trip to Cuba. I know MTV has neither the balls nor the means to buck the embargo the U.S. has against Cuba, but I said "rooting," not "expecting." It's called being optimistic. I'm fired, aren't I? ["Why would I fire you? My country has no problem with Cuba." -- Wing Chun] Cyn carefully walks down the stairs and announces that she's not feeling well, adding that she's already barfed today. Hey, me too! Earlier on, when I started this recap! Dan looks scared, Sarah amused. The camera stays with Cyn throughout the whole ride to the airport and onto the plane, where she finally heaves into a plastic bag. The fact that they're on a tiny twin-engine plans probably doesn't help. That and the barrel rolls the pilot thought would be fun to try, knowing full well he has a queasy passenger on board. Sarah takes Polaroids of the barfing.

The plane touches down on a remote, gorgeous green jewel of an island surrounded by pale blue water. The roomies are met by Bardy, a bearded dude who will be their guide. He looks like a hippie, but when in Rome, you know, you have to be nice to your hippie guides or you may not get food. For the sake of survival, I will suspend my punk rock principles. Hey, they're in the Bahamas! The steel drums start up and the group goes to a restaurant. "Are we staying at your house? Is it a mansion?" Sarah asks innocently. Bardy replies, "Oh, the best." There is no visible reaction from the roomies. "Waterfront?" asks Cyn. "The water is really close," says Bardy. Joe raises his eyebrows. Dan says in a voice-over that he has no idea what's going on. Dude, you are in the Bahamas, all expenses paid. My god. Can't any of them unclench long enough to have a good time? Finally, the group breaks into smiles just as the steel drums bong their way to a final crescendo.

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Real World




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