Real World
Outward Bored

Episode Report Card
Jessica: D | Grade It Now!
Outward Bored

Surprise, surprise, the Real Worlders are not hiking efficiently. Everyone looks miserable. Jon is wearing a Jesus shirt. Irene is wearing the most hideous baseball cap ever. And I hate to say it, but Aaron has his shirt off, and, yeah, okay, he looks pretty hot. I'm not made of stone, people.

The hike is not going well at all. It's 2 PM, and they haven't eaten breakfast yet. Like, that's just cruel. Seriously. ["And dangerous! They could pass out!" -- Wing Chun] Cheryl tells...someone...that if they see the spot "where it opens up," to holler. Are they lost? It's unclear, but it seems that way. Can't they just find a decent spot and make camp there? It's not like they have reservations at a patch of ground somewhere and the trees are going to charge their credit cards.

Beth gets her backpack stuck on a low-hanging tree.

Suddenly, everyone has changed into hard hats, with no explanation. Cheryl tells Jon, quite calmly, that she knows where they're going. Dom voice-overs that this hike is a pointless and dangerous exercise. And yes, it is. ["And then he kicks the map into the river. Just kidding. They wish there was a river." -- Wing Chun] Dom fully gets into it with Steve, telling him not to "fucking lie" to him, and tells him that he's sick of the bullshit the leaders are feeding him, telling him that the camp is just over the hill, while over every hill is nothing but more rocks. Sing it, Dom! It is cruel. And stupid. It's like, the Outward Bounders specifically try to break down the group, ostensibly to build them back up again, but that's bullshit. It's just mean. Damn, all my thirteen-year-old bitterness at Outward Bound is gushing out. I can't stop it, y'all. That was the worst week of my life, and it wasn't just because I was a wuss. My high school went on another Colorado River trip, ran this time by my wacky biology teacher, Dr. Bowlus, and even I, the girl who hates nature, had fun. It's Outward Bound (and its ilk) that sucks, not nature! Hey, I think I just had a breakthrough.

The group stands around Steve, who says, "You keep asking when we're going to get there. What is 'there'?" Oh, stuff a sock in it, Steve.

Aaron gets kind of fed up with the Outward Bound hiking in circles bullshit and basically takes over leading the hike. Beth voice-overs that he was doing a better job than Cheryl, but Cheryl obviously doesn't agree, because she pulls Aaron over and tells him that while she appreciates his help, she needs a little less attitude from him. See, but Cheryl forgot to tell the rest of the group to follow her instead of Aaron, and she gets piiiiiiiisssssed when they don't. Cheryl stops the group, and makes them sit in a circle (oh, screw you, Cheryl) and Steve tells them that it's time for them to "decide what [they] want out of this trip, because [they're] pissing [sic] now." What does that even mean? Steve is clearly on some kind of crazy camping power trip, because he sounds mighty angry. Steve, you're basically a camp counselor. Why don't you climb that tree over there and get over yourself? Aaron angrily calls Cheryl and Steve on the fact that they're totally talking to the RW-ers like they're children, and he tells them that he doesn't appreciate it. Jon voice-overs that the group stuck together for the first time, against the Outward Bounders. Which is the point of Outward Bound. Which, as I've said, is stupid. In the circle, Dom tells the group that "this sitting in a circle thing is, I'm sorry, horseshit." You tell 'em, Dommer! He reminds Cheryl and Steve that they're all adults, and that Irene has a gun. Sadly, it's at home.

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Real World




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