Real World
No Glove, Lots of Love

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Kim: B- | Grade It Now!
No Glove, Lots of Love

Previously on The Real World: Trishelle thought that she and Steven had a "really weird connection," and if she's referring to some sort of kinky sexual position, I don't want to know about it. Steven said that Trishelle had a "positive aura," which means that she gives out the vibe that she positively will sleep with you. Alton had to wear "body paint, wings, and a halo," and thought that it looked very gay. I really don't know any way that ensemble could not look gay, actually. The most heterosexual man in the world would look gay in that outfit.

Some dude walks into the suite and yells, "What a dump!" Steven explains that this dude is his best friend from home, John. In Steven's bedroom, John finds something called "pleasure wipes," of which Steven denies knowledge. I can't even fathom a use for those. Well, I probably could, but I don't want to, so I'm going to move on. Steven says that he's known John about five years, and that they are really close, and adds that John is gay. The music changes from upbeat dance music to something more sinister, and John and Steven start walking in slow motion. I don't know what that was about. It was a very Ally McBeal needle-scratching-on-a-record effect. In an interview, Steven says it bothers him that Alton is homophobic. Steven also claims that Alton doesn't like gay people and thinks that "being gay is really, really wrong." Steven thinks it will be good for Alton to meet John and learn that gay people are just people. Wow, thank you for telling me that, Mr. PSA. I like to think that Alton is the exception in his attitudes toward gay people, and not the rule, at least among Real World viewers. But I'm probably wrong.

Trishelle and Steven cuddle and kiss while the other roommates look disgusted and annoyed. At some other point, Trishelle looks at Steven with a puzzled expression, like he just said a big word or asked her to name the capital of Maine or something. And then at some point later, a bunch of the roommates are eating dinner. John asks, "So, Trishelle, if you met someone, would you stop sleeping with Steven?" I'm pretending that I don't see the dreaded Comic Sans Captioning Font. What? What led up to that question? And is that really appropriate dinner conversation with someone you've just met? Trishelle giggles and blushes and then says that it depends on how much she liked the new guy. In an interview, Trishelle says that she and Steven are just having fun. In an interview, Frank says that he definitely thinks that Trishelle has feelings for Steven. Frank really, really needs to get a life, because there are two options to explain his behavior this year. Either he is so up in everyone else's business that he can only gossip about his roommates, or he has so little going on in his own life that the producers only ask him questions about his roommates because Frank is so boring. Either way, he needs to get a life.

John asks Trishelle whether her relationship with Steven is all about sex. Again, why is John asking these questions? Why isn't Steven? And why are they doing it in a restaurant? I don't know. Trishelle says she's definitely looking for a guy to date. In an interview, Steven says that he's not going to be Trishelle's "guy in Vegas," but that he will be "the guy Trishelle occasionally hooks up with in Vegas." "Occasionally"? From what we've seen, they're hooking up, like, every night. Steven tells Trishelle that she's saving him from being "a bad, bad guy" while he's in Vegas. Trishelle thinks that means that he's using her. How did she not think that before? Of course, he's using her. She's using him. They're using each other. Steven says that, and Trishelle agrees. Wow, I typed that before I actually saw what Steven said, and now I'm feeling like Miss Cleo if she wasn't a total fraud and probably in prison at this point. Steven says that he doesn't try to hook up with anyone because he has Trishelle ("a hot-ass girl") at home. Frank says that sounds sweet, but it's really shallow. Um, Steven said it. Did you expect it to be anything but shallow? In an interview, Steven says that since there aren't many girls hotter than Trishelle (plus she's easy), it takes away his drive to seek out other women. Frank and Brynn basically say that Steven and Trishelle pretend they're not going to have sex every night, and then end up doing it anyway.

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